Pro-Life, Pro-Choice: Shared Values in the Abortion Debate

Conclusion

185 Conclusion I know a young woman who became pregnant at nineteen while a sophomore in college even though she and her partner were using birth control. Her partner denied parentage, and her conservative family told her that she could not step inside their house while pregnant “with that bastard.” She lived in a university dormitory, and her only access to health services was the school’s clinic. She felt like she had no real choice; there was no feasible way she could become a mother. So she aborted. Nine years later, at twenty-­ eight, she graduated with her doctoral degree and is now a practicing professional, is engaged to a good man, and hopes to have children one day. Given the lack of support she experienced at nineteen, she knows that her current success would not have been possible had she parented the baby. She thinks of it often and strongly feels she did the best thing for her and for the fetus. These are the kinds of cases that help me remain pro-­choice. I also know a wonderful couple with whom I went to graduate school. After years of trying to have a baby, they accepted that they were unable to conceive and started the adoption process. They now have two beautiful children who were created in less than optimal circumstances . Their respective biological mothers could have aborted them, and if they had, my friends would not have their family and their children would never have known the love they now do. I look into their eyes and contemplate how close they came to not having existed, and it gives me pause. Every reproductive choice, from contraception to Pro-­ Life, Pro-­ Choice 186 abortion, is a decision about parenthood—to put it off, decline it altogether , accept it reluctantly, or embrace it eagerly. Because parenthood is such a radically identity-­ altering undertaking, and because the consequences of forced parenting affect all involved, including the child, it is not a decision that should be made on anyone’s behalf. Andrew Solomon’s book Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity conveys several stories of individuals who found themselves in unexpected, sometimes heartbreaking, parenting situations . Every chapter is devoted to a category of difficult parental experiences —from raising children with Down syndrome to raising children who are prodigies; from raising children who are affected by dwarfism to raising those who are transgender.One of the most difficult chapters to read concerns women who were raped and chose to parent the resulting child. Parenting a child who is the product of rape means permanently identifying oneself as a rape victim: “Her identity as a mother proceeds directly from her identityas a rape victim. Herchild embodies the violence done against her and gives manifest permanence to what she may ache to forget.”1 Some of the women were able to extract beauty and redemption from their rape through their child. Marina, who suffered from severe post-­ traumatic stress disorder after her rape, elected to keep the resulting daughter, although she admitted that the decision to do so was terrifying: “Now that I have Amula and I have been really successful at being her mom, obviously I know I made the right decision. But at the time, I didn’t know that. So it was torture.”2 For Marina, having the baby was a method of healing, “I had to be a survivor and hit the ground running and take care of this kid,” though she remains haunted by the idea that Amula may share similarities with her rapist: “Half of her genes are evil. . . . I can do whatever I should as her mom to make her this loving, caring, wonderful person. But in her is the DNA of a person who is really sick, and is that DNA stronger than what I can do?”3 Then there is Brenda, who was pulled into a cab and raped by two men in succession as she walked to her job to pick up her paycheck. She conceived and gave birth to a daughter and wanted to name her after her paternal grandmother. Her father refused, stating, “I don’t want my mother’s name on that baby.” Instead, she named her daugh- 187 Conclusion ter Rebecca, and she regards the child as her daughter, not one of the rapists’.When asked by Solomon how she viewed her...