Reflections of a Zen Buddhist Nun: Essays by Zen Master Kim Iryop

Chapter 1: Preface

Part One 29 CHAPTER 1 Preface The value of one’s existence is measured by whether one stands as an independent being, leading one’s life according to one’s own will. When we say “I,” this “I” has meaning only when we are fully in charge of ourselves. When we are free to do everything our own way, there is no reason for complaint or discontentment. Freedom and peace cannot be attained outside of oneself because they are the very self of each and every existence. Everything that happens in our lives is a reflection of our own self. It is a universally accepted truth that humans occupy the highest position among beings in whom the standard of the value of existence also resides.1 Why then do humans, who are the most precious beings among beings and who should naturally be the masters of their own lives, feel so constrained? Why do they have so many complaints and causes for discontentment? This seems the very proof that humans in fact have lost their selves, that they have lost their original minds. People have turned into beings who are imprisoned by a mirror which reflects only themselves. After I joined the monastery, three things greatly astounded me. First, I was shocked when I realized that I had lost my own self. Second , I was astonished to realize that the entire world consists of people who have lost their selves. And third, I was stunned to realize that even though the entire world is populated by people who have lost their selves, they are not aware of it and instead delude themselves that they are smart and pretend to know everything. People act, but they do not even try to think about what it is that makes them act. This last point shocked me even more. That which cannot be utilized according to one’s own will is not one’s own. Why are people not aware of this? If one were aware, one would naturally wonder whether the self that is not capable of doing things in 30 Reflections of a Zen Buddhist Nun accordance with one’s own will could still be considered one’s own self. If one is attentive, it is not difficult to learn that one cannot use things that do not belong to oneself; one who cannot control one’s own self cannot be the owner of one’s self. This idea should lead to the realization that one should first know one’s own self. But people fail to see this, and that is because they have lost their selves, lost themselves. The “I” that we think of as “I” is not “I.” The “I” that is not verbalized, the “I” before thought arises, is the real “I.” The “I” that is verbalized (the reality after thoughts have arisen) is the “I” that is the object of others. Since things cannot co-exist, the “I” that is verbalized should be cast off to make way for the whole “I” that exists before and after a thought arises. We must give up everything in order to possess everything. This is the principle of the universe. Therefore, when the self and others become one, when a demon and the Buddha become unified, when time, space, inside, and outside make a unity, this self is the complete “myself.” Unless everything becomes one’s self, one cannot control one’s own life, and when one is not the master of one’s life, there cannot be freedom or peace.2 From beginning to end, the only real answer to all problems is to live as a human being. When we learn how to live as human beings, no problem remains unsolved. How, then, do we find the complete self? This is the big issue. Only when this urgent issue is resolved do we finally become human beings; only when we become human beings does the life of a human being begin; and only then will we be able to think about family life, social responsibilities, and so on. A human being is a being that has attained perfection, that is, has closed the circle. Be it the earth, a thought, or a self, all are round and thus ultimately end where they began. There is the thought that enables us to cut off other thoughts that arise one after another; this thought is the complete...