Life Drawing: A Deleuzean Aesthetics of Existence

Four Again and Again

99 It was never an issue. Nobody ever even suggested that I become a gigolo. So I was never really forced to decide why it would be a bad life. Why would it be a bad life? Set aside all those features of a gigolo’s life that won’t sufficiently discriminate that life from being a mathematician or a gymnast , features such as that all three of these occupations favor the young. The easiest answers come with no thought at all, thoughtless answers, such as that some things should not be sold. I take this answer seriously, but then the question is why those things should not be sold? And why only those things, and not rather all things? The Authenticity Sweepstakes A number of years ago, I saw a performance of Da Vinci and the New Cadillac created and performed by a three-member theatrical troupe calling August 3, 2004 F o u r Again and Again You know the day destroys the night Night divides the day Tried to run Tried to hide Break on through to the other side Break on through to the other side Break on through to the other side, yeah —Jim Morrison, “Break on Through (to the Other Side),” 1967 100 Again and Again themselves Luftkugel.1 At one point in the performance, a member of the troupe was prancing around the stage like a deer. A Luftkugel went up to a person in the audience and asked them to throw one of their shoes at the deer. No? Then taking out a big wad of money, he asked if they would do it for $5. Still No? How about $10? Off it comes, and the shoe is hurled. Then, still holding the tremendous roll of bills, the Luftkugel turned to a man and a woman sitting next to each other and asked them if they knew each other. When they said they did not, he asked the woman if she would hold hands with the stranger for $5? Sure? Okay, will you hug him for $5? No? How about $20? And she hugs him. But now he wants her to kiss him, on the cheek, on the lips, then deeper, wet, with her powerful tongue. He didn’t have to go that far. Soon enough, she stopped. And then, all over the audience, a feeling of discomfort, as if we had just been witness to something unsettling. But what? Someone had been paid to hug somebody. What is unsettling about that? Perhaps intimacy and aggression (remember the deer) are so personal, so powerful, that we think of them as inevitably alive, not wooden, not merely the performance of actions, for cash. Was the exchange of cash sufficient to prevent the volunteers from actually performing , reducing their behavior to the performance of scripted, wooden actions? It was worse when she was paid to kiss the stranger, but wouldn’t it have been bad enough if she had just been paid to take off her left shoe and put it under her seat? The questions are still, if money ruins intimacy, how does it do it? And why doesn’t it ruin everything? It might help to imagine the gigolo in a little more detail. A call from a stranger who has seen my ad, finds me knocking on the door of a house I have never seen before. Often enough, as I walk in, I pocket the cash that has been left for me by the door. There is the usual awkwardness at the door, but I am prepared for that, and as the door closes behind me, I pop the cork on the half-bottle of domestic champagne that I always carry for this purpose. Deeper into the house, on the couch or standing in the hallway , still tasting champagne, I place my hand on the small of her back, and urge her gently closer to my body, kissing her cheek in sweet simulation of that innocence which my clients enjoy, or now, since money has exchanged hands, need. A few more caressing fondles and we are unbuttoning in preparation for the kind of sex that pleases my client, usually soft, slow, and long, but I do my best to perform in whatever way is pleasing to them. Again and Again 101 There is a certain woodenness, and lack of life. No matter how loud we get, there is...