The Johnstown Girls

Chapter 3. Monday, April 17, 1989

61 T H E J O H N S T O W N G I R L S Monday, April 17, 1989 ■ Nina takes her car to the Post-Gazette offices most days, though half the time she hates to put more wear on it by taking it on assignment. Anyway, it sounds a lot better than Ben’s car does. This morning the other PG employee who lives in her building, Michelle, taps on her door wanting a ride, as she does most mornings. Michelle sometimes offers to take her for lunch as payment and they talk about work—or at least Nina steers the conversation that way. The first-floor apartment belongs to Michelle who has a large window that faces the porch. And Michelle sits, looking out that window a lot of the time or zips up and down the steps like a roommate, offering pizza or a movie. The whole thing makes Ben crazy. The last thing he wants is a long buzz of a rumor through the offices about his messed up personal life. Usually Nina has a swagger about not exactly caring if Michelle figures it out, but today, this morning, she doesn’t know what she feels. She hadn’t bargained on what happened over the weekend. Now she wonders if Amanda has been totally out of the picture all this time. And she feels stupid though she knows she’s in a very large company of women who’ve been conned. And when she examines her feelings, there is still a longing toward Ben—love for him, a wish for him to be okay no matter what Amanda throws at him. 62 K AT H L E E N G E O R G E Michelle slides into the passenger seat. It’s raining a little, not hard. “I looked for you this weekend.” “I went to see my mum.” “Oh. Good. Anyway, I wanted to see Lean on Me. If you were interested .” “Did you go?” “No. We could go tonight. Not crowded on Mondays.” “Let me think. I’m not sure. I might be coming down with something. I feel super tired.” “Okay. Let me know.” Not in the mood for people, Nina wishes she were on the bus, swaying , holding onto the bar on top, reading signs. AT&T FOR THE BEST SERVICE. LA ROCHE COLLEGE HAS WHAT YOU WANT. CONSOLIDATE YOUR DEBT! “I visited my mum this weekend, too.” Michelle says. “Just for lunch on Saturday though. She wasn’t so good. Not in good health.” “I’m sorry. What is it?” “She’s overweight, short of breath, not taking care of herself. I wonder sometimes if I should give it up, move back home, make her life better. Like the old days, ha. The unmarried daughter stays at home. You know.” “And the good-hearted unmarried daughter doesn’t ever meet anybody . . . and gets depressed? Not a good idea.” “I don’t meet anybody anyway.” “Yeah. I hear you. Why do we care? Stupid romantic ideas.” “I guess.” Michelle doesn’t fancy herself up at all, but she has long shiny dark hair and a narrow but symmetrical face. She’s plenty attractive , but down, depressed. “You should go to movies alone, do things alone if I’m not around. Seriously. You never know what will happen.” “I hate to do things alone. I feel like I have three legs and five hands.” “I know the feeling.” “That’s what amazes me. You don’t look like you know that feeling. You always seem to have it all together.” “Ha!” There is a long silence. She almost tells Michelle about her debacle 63 T H E J O H N S T O W N G I R L S weekend with Ben. Traffic slows. She switches on the car radio. Loneliness is shitty and so many people feel it, have it. And they live with it. Her mum. Mourning for ten years now. Eleven. “Our problems are small. Tiny. People go through awful things.” Finally Michelle says, “I’m going to do more things alone. I am.” The slightly open car window brings in cool wet air. It’s not nearly so warm today as it was over the weekend. But that’s spring for you. That’s what spring is. Unpredictable. It had all seemed so lovely Saturday, in that valley, wildflowers at their feet. She...