Kimonos in the Closet

Upon Learning Disturbing Facts Concerning the Last Supper

30 Upon Learning Disturbing Facts Concerning the Last Supper The International Journal of Obesity has reported that in fifty-two famous paintings over the last one thousand years, the meal depicted at the Last Supper has gotten larger by almost seventy percent! It started long ago with a few loaves of bread. A pitcher of water. A meal befitting a martyr. But over the years artists have made it quite a lavish spread. Roasted polenta. Porcini mushrooms. Olives from Crete. That may even be a pizza in front of Paul in a nineteenth-century rendering. Now our modern saints sport more substantial girths. Even the Messiah has put on a little weight. It’s all a reflection of the times. They say we create icons in our image. At this rate, in another hundred years . . . the scene might be mistaken for a banquet thrown by Caligula. Thirteen diners sprawled out on couches. Servants rushing about with trays of caviar and truffles. In which case the narrative will need to be rewritten. Starting with the part where Judas Escargot picks up his little sack of coins, kisses his Master on the cheek, and tries to waddle into the night. But after seven servings of oily pasta and the dog’s portion of swill, he’s just that much more corpulent than before and can’t quite manage to squeeze through the door. So he takes his place at the table again. No one ends up being betrayed. Thomas asks Jesus to tell another one of his catchy little parables. Peter signals the waiter to bring on more platters of lobster. ...