Blowout

Madonna and Me

8 Madonna and Me Madonna and I went through our divorces around the same time and I followed her and Guy Ritchie on perezhilton.com as a kind of therapy I mean if Madonna was getting divorced it couldn’t be so bad right and she’d be OK and I’d be OK Guy Ritchie was walking away saying he didn’t want her money because he was a macho British dude unlike my husband who was neither macho nor British and wanted every cent he could get I kept wanting my guy to take a cue from Madonna’s Guy I wanted the two to meet in a sweetshop in London where they could bitch about how Madonna and I were so manipulative and controlling Guy complained Madonna wouldn’t allow pastry in the house and I tried that rule too since my husband had diabetes Guy was underrated as was my ex who thought himself more talented than I as surely Guy thought himself more talented than Madonna 9 or her Guy and my guy could meet at a pub and pick up younger women who would say I don’t know how you put up with that and the new women would puff up the egos that had been flattened by Madonna and me with our big voices hogging the spotlight the press turned on Madonna and wrote that she slept in a plastic suit her body lubed up with wrinkle cream that she and Guy never had sex anymore but I think that suit may have been a lie I didn’t have such a suit just old tee shirts and ratty shorts I wore as pajamas that my husband hated because the shorts had paint stains and the elastic waistband was pretty shot and I’d dress up for poetry readings but not for him and what kind of wife did that a wife tired of working two jobs while her husband worked none and maybe I was a workaholic like Madonna who keeps touring even though she’ll never be able to spend all her money 10 I had to work to support us work just to survive but the truth is I was also happiest working away from my husband whose body left an imprint on the couch like a chalk outline at a crime scene and why didn’t I dial 911 when it got really bad Madonna didn’t either all those years ago when Sean tied her to a chair though maybe that never happened and it was just a Hollywood rumor and even Madonna who talked about everything never talked about that because that kind of stuff just doesn’t happen to strong women like Madonna and me or it happens but we write “deal with the situation” on the bottom of our to-do list and then throw the list away it’s easier to just step on a stage or have the students pull their chairs into a circle for the poetry workshop in that small room where they will love you 11 or at least need you to speak about their poems and they will say thank you for helping me and you will feel that even though you can’t help your husband anymore you can help a few people and they can help you as you step into the applause ...