Velocity

Control

34 CONtrOL i pulled on the tight black slip, the already ripped hose, lipstick called Blood, told him how i’d leave the red of those lips on his beautiful dick. i told him— Mike, i said—imagine the tight circle they’ll make. i wanted to feel unburdened of the mind’s hurts (he’d left me, vague note on the well-made bed; came back; left me, he came back); i wanted only the body’s imagination, only to control his pleasure of me. i pressed the lip of my wineglass to the glass of his, then to his real lips, kept him at arm’s length while i twisted his nipples, wiped the wet from between my legs across his neck, kissed, licked.that’s when he knocked me to the bed. i felt the stem slip out of my hand, saw the sheets stain, thought, What takes out red wine?this wasn’t what i’d planned. he pulled the hose’s holes into bloodless cuts, stuck the short-nailed fingers of his other hand into my mouth, flipped my body around, shoved my shoulders down, pulled up on my waist, pulled apart my resilient knees. My right cheek butted into the headboard ’s bars, divided into bone and lump of fat. Ugly, i thought, my face must look so ugly. i loved him. i wanted him to love me, to not leave this small life i thought i understood, our little house. i told myself: I like it from behind/I like the small pain/ I like the stopping of time/the shoving of my ass/ I like having to ask,Who is this man?Who is this man? ...