American Poetry Now: Pitt Poetry Series Anthology

Robin Becker’s

 4 robin beCker Robin Becker’ssixcollectionsof poemsincludeDomainof PerfectAffection, TheHorseFair, All-AmericanGirl,andGiacometti’sDog.In00,TheFrickArt andHistoricalCenterpublishedVenetianBlue,alimited-editionchapbook of herpoemsaboutgraphicart.Professorof EnglishatThePennsylvania StateUniversity,BeckerhasreceivedfellowshipsfromtheBuntingInstitute of RadcliffeCollege,theMassachusettsCulturalCouncil,andtheNational EndowmentfortheArts.Beckerwritesacolumnonpoetrycalled“Field Notes”fortheWomen’sReviewof Books,wheresheservesascontributingand poetryeditor. Photo by Miriam Goodman  4 robin beCker The New Egypt Ithinkof myfatherwhobelieves aJewcanoutwitfatebyowningland. Slavetopropertynow,Imow andmow,mydestinythenewEgypt. Fromhisfather,thetailor,helearnednot torentbuttoown;toborrowtobuy. Toconform,Idisguisemyself anddrag themowerintothedrive,whereIponder thesilkyoil,theplasticcasing,thechoke. Frommyfather,Ilearnedthedignity of exileandthefireof acquisition, nottoliveinplaceslightly,buttoplant theself likeanorangetreeinthedesert andirrigate,irrigate,irrigate. Now NowthatIhavethewholeafternoontomyself Icanforgetmytwenty-five-yearplanof living ontheParosbeachwithfriendsastheschoolyearbegins. Nowthattherainhasmovedinland IcansurrendertheoldMadisonSquareGarden dressagedreamof perfectbalanceonahorse’sback. NowthattheforecastsaysclearweatherthroughFriday Icangiveupthedreamthatmyparentslivetoone-hundredand -twenty,stilldrivinganddoingtheirowngroceryshopping. NowthatIhavethreehourstospendbeforeIgo tothedump,andleftoverswithwhichtomakeachickensandwich, Icanforegomydreamof breedingstandardpoodles, thoughIliketopicturemanypenswithblackpuppiessprawling overmygroomedlawn,thoughahandsomepoodle meetsmeatthedoorwithaglassof whitewine.  4 robin beCker Nowthatmyneighborhasfinishedhismowing Icanhearmyself think.Aboutdeath:howitoccupies everylivingspaceIcanimagine,thoughIcan’tholdthethought— Nowthatabreezepermitsmetounderstandthisday willnotmergewithothersintoasynopsisof thesummer, nowthatI’vegonethisfar,nowthatyou’vecomewithme, Icangiveupmydreamof bikingfromBostontoSanFrancisco inaskintightjerseycoveredwithads,mid-semester,recitingthenames of NorthAmericanbirdsandwhistlingallthewaytothePacific. OK, Tucker Youwin.Myarmgottiredof throwingtheball beforeyougottiredof scramblinguptheriverbanktofetchit .OK,Tucker,youcancome,too. Sinceyouopenthedoorwithyourcleversnout I’mnotabouttoshoveyoubackin.Youwin thebeautycontest,themostfinickyeateraward, andthelike-a-dog-with-a-boneprize;youwin thefirst-one-in-the-carsweepstakes.Look, Tucker,wehadnochoicewhenwesquaredoff inyouradolescence,wehadtogetalong,itwasaliveand -let-livesituation,bothof usinlovewithher. OK,Ibribedyouwithbiscuitsandrides; youconnedmewithahandshakeandasmile. Rememberhide-and-seekinthecornfield, thejack-in-thepulpit,theladyslipper? Thatweekatthebeachwithsmellygulls wrappedinslimeandtangledlinesof seaweed? Andapenof chickens?Youhaditmade,butno! Oldgirl,youchasedthephantomsquirrel uptheslopeagainandagain,returned slack-jawed,refusedtocomeoff theporch, stoodyourgroundinfreezingNovemberrain,  4 robin beCker Nowthatmyneighborhasfinishedhismowing Icanhearmyself think.Aboutdeath:howitoccupies everylivingspaceIcanimagine,thoughIcan’tholdthethought— Nowthatabreezepermitsmetounderstandthisday willnotmergewithothersintoasynopsisof thesummer, nowthatI’vegonethisfar,nowthatyou’vecomewithme, Icangiveupmydreamof bikingfromBostontoSanFrancisco inaskintightjerseycoveredwithads,mid-semester,recitingthenames of NorthAmericanbirdsandwhistlingallthewaytothePacific. OK, Tucker Youwin.Myarmgottiredof throwingtheball beforeyougottiredof scramblinguptheriverbanktofetchit .OK,Tucker,youcancome,too. Sinceyouopenthedoorwithyourcleversnout I’mnotabouttoshoveyoubackin.Youwin thebeautycontest,themostfinickyeateraward, andthelike-a-dog-with-a-boneprize;youwin thefirst-one-in-the-carsweepstakes.Look, Tucker,wehadnochoicewhenwesquaredoff inyouradolescence,wehadtogetalong,itwasaliveand -let-livesituation,bothof usinlovewithher. OK,Ibribedyouwithbiscuitsandrides; youconnedmewithahandshakeandasmile. Rememberhide-and-seekinthecornfield, thejack-in-thepulpit,theladyslipper? Thatweekatthebeachwithsmellygulls wrappedinslimeandtangledlinesof seaweed? Andapenof chickens?Youhaditmade,butno! Oldgirl,youchasedthephantomsquirrel uptheslopeagainandagain,returned slack-jawed,refusedtocomeoff theporch, stoodyourgroundinfreezingNovemberrain, showedyourdog’steethwhenIshowedmyhuman fearandforgoodmeasurerancirclesaroundme— whenIwasherwoman,butyouwereherdog. Adult Child Nowthatmyparentsareold,theylovemefiercely, andIamgratefulthatthelongdetenteof mychildhood hasended;westrollthroughtheretirementcommunity. Myfatherwouldliketocallthewomanwholeftme andtellherthatIwillbeawealthywomansomeday. Welaugh,knowingshenevercaredaboutmoney butpatientlytaughthimtousehiscomputerandprogram thecarphone.Inthecondo,mymothernavigates amazeof jewelry,tellsmethehistoryof watches, bracelets,rings,pearls.ShesaysImaysell mostof it,shejustwantsmetoknowwhat’swhat. Idrivehertothebankwherewesignalittlecard andwalk,accompanied,intothevault,grayboxes stackedlikebodies.Here,shesays,arethetitlesanddeeds. Why We Fear the Amish BecausetheyaresecretlyJewishandeatmatzohonSaturday. Becausetheysmellusinfellowshipwiththedeadworks of darknessandtechnology.Becausewedoubtourselves. Wefindtheirclothingremorseless;wefindtheirbeardsunsanitary. Whoamongusisnotashamed,speeding,tocomeuponapoor horsepullingacartuphill,everyonedressedthesame? Webelieveinthestateandtheybelieveinthebutton. WiththeirfellowPennsylvanians,theQuakers,theyholdnoisypeprallies. Theyknowthequiltingbee,thehoneybeeandthehuskingbee aretheonlyproperactivitiesforwomen. EventheirhorsesarethriftyandwillingtostarveforChrist. InthePoconos,themenvacationwithHassidimandtryon  4 robin beCker showedyourdog’steethwhenIshowedmyhuman fearandforgoodmeasurerancirclesaroundme— whenIwasherwoman,butyouwereherdog. Adult Child Nowthatmyparentsareold,theylovemefiercely, andIamgratefulthatthelongdetenteof mychildhood hasended;westrollthroughtheretirementcommunity. Myfatherwouldliketocallthewomanwholeftme andtellherthatIwillbeawealthywomansomeday. Welaugh,knowingshenevercaredaboutmoney butpatientlytaughthimtousehiscomputerandprogram thecarphone.Inthecondo,mymothernavigates amazeof jewelry,tellsmethehistoryof watches, bracelets,rings,pearls.ShesaysImaysell mostof it,shejustwantsmetoknowwhat’swhat. Idrivehertothebankwherewesignalittlecard andwalk,accompanied,intothevault,grayboxes stackedlikebodies.Here,shesays,arethetitlesanddeeds. Why We Fear the Amish BecausetheyaresecretlyJewishandeatmatzohonSaturday. Becausetheysmellusinfellowshipwiththedeadworks of darknessandtechnology.Becausewedoubtourselves. Wefindtheirclothingremorseless;wefindtheirbeardsunsanitary. Whoamongusisnotashamed,speeding,tocomeuponapoor horsepullingacartuphill,everyonedressedthesame? Webelieveinthestateandtheybelieveinthebutton. WiththeirfellowPennsylvanians,theQuakers,theyholdnoisypeprallies. Theyknowthequiltingbee,thehoneybeeandthehuskingbee aretheonlyproperactivitiesforwomen. EventheirhorsesarethriftyandwillingtostarveforChrist. InthePoconos,themenvacationwithHassidimandtryon  4 robin beCker eachother’scoats.Backhome,notractorswithpneumatictires. Pitythechildwhowantsaradioandmustsettleforathermos. WhentheworldshiftstoDaylightSavingsTime,there’snotime likeslowtime,tostayoutof step.InStandardTime theirhorsestrotfasterthanours,fortheAmish settheirclocksahead.InJanuary,theyslaughtertheanimals. InMarch,theygotothesales.InApril,theyplantpotatoes. InJune,theycutalfalfa.InAugust,theycutalfalfaagain. InOctobertheydigpotatoes.InDecembertheybutcherandmarry. Theymodifythemilkmachinetosuitthechurch,theychange thechurchtofitthechassis,amendingtheirliveswithhooks-and-eyes. Theirdressisaleisurelyprotestagainstchairmindedness. Weknowtheirfrugalityinourcorpulence.Weknowtheirsacrifice forthegroupinourlovefortheindividual.Ourgodsare cross-dressers,nerds,beach-bums,andpoets.Theyknowit. Bytheirpurewalkandpracticedotheyeyeusfromtheircarts. Spiritual Morning Iamasvirtuousasarabbinicalstudent aftermymorningrun,Godinthebodyawake,God of theMayappleandwildginger.Eventhelittle stiff handsof thewhistlepigreach towardmeindeath’sperfection.Once, inKatmanduatdawn,Iwatchedamonkinasaffronrobe brushhisteethontheroof of atempleandspit— andfromhismouthflewpeachandazurebirds flutteringinthemilkysweetnessof theair. Thismorningof Pennsylvania woodchuckandwildgeranium,Igraspthe connectionamongallsentientbeingsandfeel communionwiththewretchedof allspeciesandthedead. Theorangeswallowtailloopingoverhead,forexample, isreallymyoldgrandmother,backtoremindme  4 robin beCker eachother’scoats.Backhome,notractorswithpneumatictires. Pitythechildwhowantsaradioandmustsettleforathermos. WhentheworldshiftstoDaylightSavingsTime,there’snotime likeslowtime,tostayoutof step.InStandardTime theirhorsestrotfasterthanours,fortheAmish settheirclocksahead.InJanuary,theyslaughtertheanimals. InMarch,theygotothesales.InApril,theyplantpotatoes. InJune,theycutalfalfa.InAugust,theycutalfalfaagain. InOctobertheydigpotatoes.InDecembertheybutcherandmarry. Theymodifythemilkmachinetosuitthechurch,theychange thechurchtofitthechassis,amendingtheirliveswithhooks-and-eyes. Theirdressisaleisurelyprotestagainstchairmindedness. Weknowtheirfrugalityinourcorpulence.Weknowtheirsacrifice forthegroupinourlovefortheindividual.Ourgodsare cross-dressers,nerds,beach-bums,andpoets.Theyknowit. Bytheirpurewalkandpracticedotheyeyeusfromtheircarts. Spiritual Morning Iamasvirtuousasarabbinicalstudent aftermymorningrun,Godinthebodyawake,God of theMayappleandwildginger.Eventhelittle stiff handsof thewhistlepigreach towardmeindeath’sperfection.Once, inKatmanduatdawn,Iwatchedamonkinasaffronrobe brushhisteethontheroof of atempleandspit— andfromhismouthflewpeachandazurebirds flutteringinthemilkysweetnessof theair. Thismorningof Pennsylvania woodchuckandwildgeranium,Igraspthe connectionamongallsentientbeingsandfeel communionwiththewretchedof allspeciesandthedead. Theorangeswallowtailloopingoverhead,forexample, isreallymyoldgrandmother,backtoremindme  4 robin beCker tolearnYiddish,theonlyinternationallanguage. I’dlikehertositonmyfinger sowecouldtalkface-to-face,butsheflies outof sight,shouting,Bigtalker!Don’trunonbusystreets! The Bath Iliketowatch yourbreastsfloatliketwobirds driftingdownstream;youlikeabook, aglassof wineonthelip of theporcelaintub, yourmusic.Itisyourwayof dissolving theday,mergingtheelementsof yourbody withthisbody.Theroomfillswithsteam likemistoff ariver— asintimatetoimagineyou pleasuringyourself:wateryfingers,slow movementintofantasy. Youcallmeinandtakemyhand inyourwethand.Ihavetoshieldmyeyes fromthegreatlight comingoff yourbody. Whenyouaskmetotouchyou Ikneelbythewaterlikeablindwoman guidedintotheriverbyafriend. The Story I Like to Tell Inadrugstorenorthof Ft.Lauderdale youstandinlinetobuyarollof film,andI’msuddenly awareof desire,howitfillsthebody atinconvenientmoments.Westareinnocentlyatthemagazines. Wearehoursawayfrommakinglove,monthsawayfromsummer inourrealhome,upnorth.Buthere,eightydegrees inmid-December,reportsof badweatherarrive  4 robin beCker tolearnYiddish,theonlyinternationallanguage. I’dlikehertositonmyfinger sowecouldtalkface-to-face,butsheflies outof sight,shouting,Bigtalker!Don’trunonbusystreets! The Bath Iliketowatch yourbreastsfloatliketwobirds driftingdownstream;youlikeabook, aglassof wineonthelip of theporcelaintub...