After Tears

Eight: Friday, December 3

49 eIght Friday, December 3 the next day I finished trimming the lawn just before midday. on the grass I put four two-litre plastic bottles, all filled with water. My uncle had suggested that if I did that the township dogs, including Verwoerd, would be too afraid to come and shit on our lawn at night. this was not some township myth, he insisted, it really worked. And I believed him. As I was busy doing this I saw the postman arrive on his bicycle . he stopped at our gateless driveway and handed me five letters. All of them looked like account letters – I could tell from their cellophane -windowed envelopes even before I opened them. two of the letters were addressed to me and I immediately opened the one with the uct stamp on it. Inside the envelope were my official results, which were confirmation of my provisional results. I had failed. the other letter was from the National Student Financial Aid Scheme, and it reminded me that I owed the government r56 000. they had been sponsoring my university studies for four years and now they wanted me to start repaying them. together with the loan statement was a form that I had to fill in to let them know how much I was going to pay them and the addresses of where I was working and staying. “Damn it!” I cursed loudly. If the IMF and the world Bank were willing to cancel the debt owed to them by poor African countries, why couldn’t our government scratch out the loans owed to it by poor African students like me? charity must start here, at home. 50 uncle Nyawana was standing on the veranda next to his fruitand -vegetable stall. As usual he was busy writing something in his dream notebook. “has your cape town girl written to you?” he asked without looking at me. what my uncle didn’t know was that I didn’t have a girlfriend, even when I’d been in cape town, because I was a slow-approach kind of guy and I was always shy when it came to dating ladies. I didn’t have the skill to put romantic words together in an interesting way to charm them like zero did. “No, uncle, it’s a letter from NSFAS and another one from edgars , not from a girlfriend.” “You can’t hide it from me, Advo. I heard you cursing someone and I know it’s a girl. Long-distance relationships don’t work, Advo. that’s why you must get a kasi girl. they’re easy as ABc to chat up because they like material things. You’re lucky because today I’ll teach you how to talk these girls out of their panties with ease. After today I’m sure that ladies will be buzzing around you like bees, my laaitie.” “Is that so?” I said uninterestedly, putting my letters in the back pocket of my shorts. “this is the township, my laaitie, and if you see a lady that you’re interested in pass along the street, just stop her by saying, ‘hi, mabhebeza ’. I bet she’ll be charmed and smile at you. once you hear her say, ‘hi, my love,’ you know it’s time to hit hard.” “what do you mean ‘hit hard’, uncle?” I asked, curious. “I mean that you must tell her that you’re doing research, as part of your law degree, and that you would like her to show you her 51 arse as part of that research. with your good looks I bet she’ll come to your room right away for a nice screw.” “Finding a girl is the least of my worries, uncle. I have to pay the university so I can get my results and I have to settle my edgars account before I’m blacklisted.” “oho! how much do you owe them?” “I owe edgars seven clipa, but I owe the university thousands of rands.” “Your mother told me about your results; that you can’t have them until you pay big zak. She’s very worried about it. But seven hundred for edgars is not big zak, I think we could make that today if we bet intelligently. Last time we missed very narrowly; we should have played number twenty instead of nineteen,” he said, stroking Verwoerd’s fur. “what number...