The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

Chapter XLIX

Volume Two, Chapter XLIX 217 of expence, to some preparations in vogue about the time of that absurd voluptuary Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six hundred ostriches to be compounded in one mess.34 By this time the desert appeared, and the company were not a little rejoiced to see plain olives in salt and water: but what the master of the feast valued himself upon, was a sort of jelly, which he affirmed to be preferable to the hypotrimma of Hesychius,35 being a mixture of vinegar, pickle and honey, boiled to a proper consistence, and candied assa fœ tida, which he asserted, in contradiction to Humelbergius36 and Lister,37 was no other than the laser syriacum,38 so precious, as to be sold among the ancients to the weight of a silver penny. The gentlemen took his word for the excellency of this gum, but contented themselves with the olives, which gave such an agreeable relish to the wine, that they seemed very well disposed to console themselves for the disgraces they had endured; and Pickle, unwilling to lose the least circumstance of entertainment that could be enjoyed in their company, went in quest of the painter, who remained in his penitentials in another apartment, and could not be persuaded to reenter the banqueting-room, until Peregrine undertook to procure his pardon from those whom he had injured. Having assured him of this indulgence, our young gentleman led him in like a criminal, bowing on all hands with an air of humility and contrition ; and particularly addressing himself to the count, to whom he swore in English, as God was his saviour, he had no intent to affront man, woman, or child; but was fain to make the best of his way, that he might not give the honourable company cause of offence, by obeying the dictates of nature in their presence. When Pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian, Pallet was forgiven in very polite terms, and even received into favour by his friend the doctor, in consequence of our hero’s intercession: so that all the guests forgot their chagrin, and paid their respects so piously to the bottle, that in a short time the Champaigne produced very evident effects in the behaviour of all present. chapter xlix. The Italian marquis and German baron are disgraced; the painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a masquerade in woman’s apparel; is engaged in a troublesome adventure, and with his companion conveyed to the Bastile. The painter, at the request of Pickle, who had a design upon the count’s sense of hearing, favoured the company with the song of Bumper Squire Jones,1 which yielded infinite satisfaction to the baron; but affected the delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner, that his features expressed astonishment and disquiet; and by his sud- 218 The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle den and repeated journeys to the door, it plainly appeared, that he was in the same predicament with those who, as Shakespear observes, when the bagpipe sings in the nose, cannot contain their urine for affection.2 With a view, therefore, of vindicating music from such a barbarous taste, Mr. Pallet had no sooner performed his task, than the count honoured his friends with some favourite airs of his own country, which he warbled with infinite grace and expression, though they had not energy sufficient to engage the attention of the German, who fell fast asleep upon his couch, and snored so loud, as to interrupt, and totally annul this ravishing entertainment; so that they were fain to have recourse again to the glass, which made such innovation upon the brain of the physician, that he sung divers odes of Anacreon to a tune of his own composing,3 and held forth upon the music and recitative of the ancients with great erudition; while Pallet, having found means to make the Italian acquainted with the nature of his profession, harangued upon painting with wonderful volubility, in a language which (it was well for his own credit) the stranger did not understand. At length the doctor was seized with such a qualm, that he begged Peregrine to lead him to his chamber; and the count, tired with the eternal babble of the painter, reeled towards the sleeping baron, whom he viewed with rapture, repeating from the Il Pastor Fido of Guarini,4 Come assetato infermo Che bramò lungamenté Il vietato licor— —Tal’ Io...