The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

Chapter IV

34 The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle bought, and in short, a day was appointed for the celebration of their nuptials, to which every body of any fashion in the neighbourhood was invited. Among these commodore Trunnion and Mr. Hatchway were not forgotten, being the sole companions of the bridegroom, with whom, by this time, they had contracted a sort of intimacy at their nocturnal rendezvous. They had received a previous intimation of what was on the anvil,3 from the landlord , before Mr. Pickle thought proper to declare himself; in consequence of which, the topick of the one-eyed commander’s discourse at their meeting for several evenings before, had been the folly and plague of matrimony, on which he held forth with great vehemence of abuse, levelled at the fair sex, whom he represented as devils incarnate sent from hell, to torment mankind; and in particular, inveighed against old maids, for whom he seemed to entertain a singular aversion; while his friend Jack confirmed the truth of all his allegations, and gratified his own malignant vein at the same time, by clenching every sentence with a sly joke upon the married state,4 built upon some allusion to a ship or sea-faring life. He compared a woman to a great gun loaded with fire, brimstone and noise, which being violently heated, will bounce and fly, and play the devil, if you don’t take special care of her breechings.5 He said she was like a hurricane that never blows from one quarter, but veers about to all points of the compass: he likened her to a painted galley curiously rigged, with a leak in her hold, which her husband would never be able to stop. He observed that her inclinations were like the Bay of Biscay;6 for why? because you may heave your deep sea lead long enough, without ever reaching the bottom. That he who comes to an anchor on a wife, may find himself moored in damned foul ground, and after all, can’t for his blood slip his cable;7 and that for his own part, thof he might make short trips for pastime, he would never embark in woman on the voyage of life, because he was afraid of foundering in the first foul weather. In all probability, these insinuations made some impression on the mind of Mr. Pickle, who was not very much inclined to run great risks of any kind; but the injunctions and importunities of his sister, who was bent upon the match, overbalanced the opinion of his sea friends, who finding him determined to marry, notwithstanding all the hints of caution they had thrown out, resolved to accept his invitation, and honoured his nuptials with their presence accordingly. chapter iv. The behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the wedding, with an account of the guests. Ihope it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance by way of conjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned her whole exertion, to play off the artillery of her charms, upon the single gentlemen who were invited to the entertainment: sure I am, she displayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities she possessed: Volume One, Chapter IV 35 her affability at dinner was altogether uncommon, her attention to the guests was super fluously hospitable, her tongue was sheathed with a most agreeable and infantine lisp, her address was perfectly obliging; and though, conscious of the extraordinary capacity of her mouth, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her lips into an enchanting simper, which played upon her countenance all day long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we have already observed, and securely contemplated those features which were most to her liking, while the rest of the company believed her regards were disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility of complaisance did she receive the compliments of those who could not help praising the elegance of the banquet! and how piously did she seize that opportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing that it was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as she had occasion to preside at so many, during the mayoralty of her papa! Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation , when the opulence of her family became the subject of conversation, she assumed a severity of countenance; and after having moralized on the vanity of...