The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

Chapter II

26 The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle chapter ii. He is made acquainted with the characters of Commodore Trunnion and his adherents; meets with them by accident, and contracts an intimacy with that commander. This loquacious publican soon gave him sketches of all the characters in the county; and, among others, described that of his next neighbour Commodore Trunnion,1 which was altogether singular and odd. “The commodore and your worship (said he) will in a short time be hand and glove; he has a power of money, and spends like a prince—that is, in his own way—for to be sure he is a little humoursome,2 as the saying is, and swears woundily;3 tho’ I’ll be sworn he means no more harm than a sucking babe. Lord help us! it will do your honour’s heart good to hear him tell a story, as how he lay along-side of the French, yard-arm and yard-arm,4 board and board,5 and of heaving grapplings,6 and stink-pots,7 and grapes,8 and round and double-headed partridges ,9 crows10 and carters11 —Laud have mercy upon us! he has been a great warrior in his time, and lost an eye and a heel in the service—Then, he does not live like any other Christian land-man; but keeps garrison in his house, as if he were in the midst of his enemies, and makes his servants turn out in the night, watch and watch (as he calls it) all the year round. His habitation is defended by a ditch, over which he has laid a draw-bridge, and planted his court-yard with patereroes continually loaded with shot,12 under the direction of one Mr. Hatchway,13 who had one of his legs shot away, while he acted as lieutenant on board of the commodore’s ship; and now, being on half-pay,14 lives with him as his companion. The lieutenant is a very brave man, a great joker, and, as the saying is, hath got the length of his commander’s foot15 —Tho’ he has another favourite in the house called Tom Pipes,16 that was his boatswain’s mate, and now keeps the servants in order. Tom is a man of few words, but an excellent hand at a song concerning the boatswain’s whistle,17 hussle-cap18 and chuck-farthing19 —there is not such another pipe in the county—So that the commodore lives very happy in his own manner; thof20 he be sometimes thrown into perilous passions and quandaries, by the application of his poor kinsmen, whom he can’t abide, because as how some of them were the first occasion of his going to sea. Then he sweats with agony at the sight of an attorney; just for all the world, as some people have an antipathy at a cat; for it seems he was once at law, for striking one of his officers, and cast in a swinging sum.21 He is, moreover, exceedingly afflicted with goblins that disturb his rest, and keep such a racket in his house, that you would think (God bless us!) all the devils in hell had broke loose upon him. It was no longer ago than last year about this time, that he was tormented the live-long night by two mischievous spirits that got into his chamber, and played a thousand pranks about his hammock, (for there is not one bed within his walls.) Well, Sir, he rung his bell, called up all his servants, got lights, and made a thorough search; but the devil a goblin was to be found. He had no sooner turned in Volume One, Chapter II 27 again, and the rest of the family gone to sleep, than the foul fiends began their game anew. The commodore got up in the dark, drew his cutlass, and attacked them both so manfully, that, in five minutes, every thing in the apartment went to pieces. The lieutenant hearing the noise, came to his assistance; and Tom Pipes being told what was the matter, lighted his match,22 and going down to the yard, fired all the patereroes, as signals of distress. Well, to be sure, the whole parish was in a pucker:23 some thought the French had landed; others imagined the commodore’s house was beset by thieves: for my own part, I called up two dragoons that are quartered upon me; and...