Turn Me Loose: The Unghosting of Medgar Evers

After Birth

44 A fte r B i rth Like them, a man can conceive an idea, an event, a moment so clearly he can name it even before it breathes. We both can carry a thing around inside for only so long and no matter how small it starts out, it can swell and get so heavy our backs hurt and we can’t find comfort enough to sleep at night. All we can think about is the relief that waits, at the end. When it was finally time, it was painless. It was the most natural thing I’d ever done. I just closed my eyes and squeezed then opened them and there he was, just laying there still covered with blood, (laughs) but already trying to crawl. I must admit, like any proud parent I was afraid at first, afraid he’d live, afraid he’d die too soon. Funny how life ’n death is a whole lot of pushing and pulling, holding and seeking breath; a whole world turned upside down until some body screams. Killing that nigger gave me no more inner discomfort than our wives endure when they give birth to our children. —byron de la beckwith ...