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257 Yes, this is my time. All done. All gone. It’s finished. All ready. Complete. Note to police, key. No doubts. Certainty. Deep breath. Now. So quiet. No sounds. Gun here on the counter. Box of shells here. Unsnap case, slide gun out. Set it on counter, gentle. Slide box open. Tremor in hands. One bullet. Fingertips numb. Slide box shut. Bullet into chamber, as before. There, all the way in, firmly. Flip chamber shut. Click. Locked in, good, as it should be. A good device, good tool. Exact, precise, clean. Ready. Safety pushes all the way up. Push safety all the way up. That’s it. Ready. Stand? Kneel. Kneel down. Pop in my knee. Tiles hard. My knees, floor hard on my knees. Head up, steady. How easy. Easy. Nothing doesn’t worry me. Peace. Yes, peace. Deep breath. Peace. They will understand. It was best. You will understand. No sounds. No hum from the fridge. Extraordinary silence. Arm up. Muzzle there. A little lower. There. Firmly, don’t let it slide. It’s hard, like . . . like a muzzle. Steady. Level. The trigger pulls smooth, firm. Steady squeeze, as before. Will fall. Will fall that way. Leave room. Arm down, slide knees left. There. Good. 258 Eyes down. No mirror. How easy. Calm. Drawer handle. Wall. Arm up, muzzle there, again. Peace. Level, steady. Peace. Breathe. Breathe steady. Deep breath. Squeeze steady steady. Peace supreme nothing doesn’t ...

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