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31 f r o m s c r a p w o o d m a n a m e r i c a n c o l l e g e s t u d e n t s o v e r h e a r d i n a r e s t a u r a n t a f t e r i r e t u r n f r o m a f g h a n i s t a n I would love to make out with you. My best friend. All he does is get drunk. I would love to get him drunk. I will buy him drinks all night long. I am so sweet you would not believe. I just want to sleep with him, but he won’t let me touch him. Darlin. Ashby. You have to do it subtly. If I was his girl, I’d be home with him right now. It would be like bye y’all, It’s getting stormy outside. Shut up. I wear clothes that fit my body type. I don’t like this outfit. I want to go change. Nooooo. No. No. If you say can I buy you a shot, he’ll take it. You have to be direct. I have money. Keep buying. Where is everybody? Everybody’s gone next door trying to get laid. • • • 32 f r o m s c r a p w o o d m a n Stormy’s like covered. If you’re looking for a brother, that he’s not. I would be all, I mean, all over her. Really. I love my girlfriend. Y’all going to get married? Potato pancakes. You can wait with me. Not that Tommy, the one that works at Dino’s. What do you think? I am so invisible. They cannot possibly. Here they come. I love you. I love you too. Will you marry me? If you have a ring. I can get one. You work on that. ...

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