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rias In the woods of the homestead.On my back.Snow falls and hills on me.Here it’s like when I close my eyes and hold my breath in the tub. No one finds me in the snow.No one tells me to chop wood,to pick up rocks,to check the traps.No one points to their lips,moves them slow,right in front of my face.And then the whole wide ground goes slap-punchunderme.Iruntothecabin.Benisthere.Aplane,hesays. He makes his hand into a plane, flies it across his face, and then the plane falls.Crash,he says,then he spells it.Over there.He points to the swamp.Fox went to see,he says.Fox comes back and tells us not to go over there.Three dead.No fire. Fox is mad. He’s mad a lot. But he tells us to chop wood and it’s cold.There’s a hole in my boots.They used to be Ben’s.My hands are cold.All the sky is cold.I act like I don’t know what Fox says.He gets in my face and Ben is there too. We are all there. Me, Ben, Fox, and J.J. Not the girls. Colleen and Kitty are in the cabin with Polar Bear. Fox is red in the face. With Polar Bear, Ben lips P.B. and I know to hide the gumdrops he took, know to run up to her fast and stop the red in her face.But there’s no way to stop Fox.He makes Ben tell me. Ben says,Rias we have to.And then spells with his hand.W-o-r-k. Fox says a thing to me. I know it’s bad. I know this by the way he lifts his hand up and Ben steps in. Fox hits Ben and Ben is on the ground. There is blood on his nose and blood on the snow. Fox walks out.I ask Ben what Fox said.M-o-t-h-e-r-f-u-c-k-e-r? What is point mackenzie > 54 > point mackenzie motherfucker? I know fuck.And fucking moron.Fox,he says,is one. Not you. He says, like a mean fuck. Got it? Yes, I nod. But Fox is not a mother. I spell f-a-t-h-e-r-f-u-c-k-e-r. Ben laughs for a long time. I try to make him laugh as much as I can.His mouth opens and God is there. Fox drives away to find help. He says to leave the crash be. That we don’t steal. A snowstorm comes in and we can’t go see the crash if we want to. Polar Bear lets us eat snow in a bowl with milk and vanilla after we eat stew. Kitty plays and feeds me from her spoon. Colleen and J.J. and Ben don’t let her do it to them. If I don’t, she cries. And she throws things on the floor. And Polar Bear takes the bowl away. But not this time.We eat all of it and then drink the rest that melts.Ben looks out at the white.He writes his name on the glass.I write mine. Out there is the plane,but we can’t see past the porch.I took a plane to school.I was gone a long time.I had to learn to sign and spell and talk.Ben asks me what it was like in a plane.I tell him I am a bullet. I got shot to Texas. He draws a gun and then a neck and head that sticks out of the gun.Then he wipes it off before Polar Bear sees. We wake up and Colleen and Polar Bear make breakfast.Us boys cut and chop wood while Fox is gone. J.J. throws down the axe and heads to the swamp.Ben runs to him.I go too.Ben grabs J.J.but J.J. never follows what Ben says. So we all go to the swamp. There are pieces of metal on the snow and trees broke off. Wires. A bag that isn’t hurt.J.J.opens it before Ben can stop him.Just a look,says J.J. A blue sweater is on top.He shows us.Women’s stuff,says Ben.Ben walksinfront.Far.Iseehimstepdown.Hegetsupafteratime.Walks back to J.J.and me...

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