Family of Fallen Leaves: Stories of Agent Orange by Vietnamese Writers

The Goat Horn Bell

50฀ nguyen฀quang฀lap the฀goat฀horn฀bell It took more than half their lives just to meet each other again. Perhapsitwasnotuncommon .Afteratwenty-onegunsalute,thousands ofhusbandsandwivesreunitedafterdecadesofseparation.Husband in the North, wife in the South, husband in an American prison and wife waiting somewhere outside, from in the jungles and under the sea, now finally embracing in joy and sorrow. These reunions were fortunate; too frequently just one meter remained between couples, enough earth to keep them from ever embracing again. He searched for her in Nha Trang and Phan Thiet and didn’t find her. Outside of Da Nang, after ten days with no luck, hurriedly searching every place he thought she might be, finally he found her in the courtyard of the Minh Hieu military headquarters. She stood with several families in the yard, holding a two-year-old baby, whisperingsomethingtoit.Hestoodtransfixedatthegate,hischest pained as if pierced with needles. The day they parted so long ago, they had no child. But he approached—step-by-step, slow and sure. Go ahead, there isnothingtofear,hetoldhimself.Thishadbeenhismottoforthirtysix years in the army. She didn’t recognize him yet, thinking only, Here comes someone else to beg the committee for something, to wheedle, complain, or charge someone for something. He could see her clearly. She still appeared young, but, oh, so pale. “Lanh!” he called softly. She opened her eyes wide. Flustered, she set the child on the the฀goat฀horn฀bell฀ 51฀ ground to toddle back to its mother, ran her fingers through her hair and stared at him. He stooped suddenly and tightened his sandal straps. Damn, why am I doing this? He looked up. “Oh God!” she whispered, recognizing him at last and crying into her hands. He ran to her, taking her into his arms. Suddenly she shoved him away, surprising him, and just as suddenly, she reconsidered : What’s the matter! This is my husband, my Chi, who else? It was not easy to suspend her instincts for self-defense. In their twenty-one years apart she had not allowed herself to be embraced by anyone. Throwing herself into his chest, she sobbed, “My love! How long it was!” The day they had parted he had promised her it would only be two years before they met again. He took her to his home in his division’s residential district. He had become a colonel, chief of staff for the division. She had spent those twenty-one years cooking at bases just behind the front lines. Within a day, all the cadres and soldiers in the division knew he had finally found her and came to congratulate them. Division Commander Hung, who had fought beside him for ten years, could not hold back his special feelings for them and came to visit ten consecutive evenings in a row. Once, after a long pause, the commander asked him, “Lanh can still . . . bear a child, can’t she?” Chi smiled and said, “We think so . . . my wife is forty-six already . . . but we’re going to try!” The commander shook him by the shoulders: “Good! Good!” She felt she could still carry a child, but she was very weak. During her sixteen years in the jungle, she had been infected by chronic malaria, which paled her skin and thinned her hair. Every night, he held her in his arms, and she listened carefully to his heartbeat, each 52฀ nguyen฀quang฀lap to be sure of the other’s health. He was old too; fifty-seven. Many times when she gazed up at him, she wondered at the aged, war-torn face beside her. She would hug him, feel his dry and slippery back, the layer of dead cells thicker each day, and sigh, thinking if they did not have a child this next year, there would be no hope left. Only a few people can give birth so late. Another six months passed without sign of a baby. Just looking at her made him tired, she was so thin and worn-out. When she began to complain of nausea and dizziness, sometimes vomiting, sometimes uncontrollably, he was beside himself with worry, but also allowed himself a secret joy. “Not that,” she said sorrowfully. “The Americans sprayed toxic chemicals six times on the forest I lived in. Since then I’ve been sick like this every once in a while.” A lump swelled in his throat. Commander Hung visited...