Fearless Confessions: A Writer's Guide to Memoir

FIVE: Between Innocence and Experience: Finding Your Voice(s)

Chapter Five --------------------------------------------------------------Between Innocence and Experience Finding Your Voice(s) ack when I began my writing career, one of my teachers told me, “Voice is everything.” I knew he was right—but I also knewthatmyfictionalvoice,regardlessofcharacterorpoint of view, frequently sounded false and strained. So after those several unfinished novels I told you about, I switched to memoir and finally discovered a voice in which I could tell my own story. Ironically, what I also discovered is that memoir, like fiction, offers a range of possible voicesfromwhichtochoose.Avoicethatsoundsharmoniousinoneof your memoirs might sound off-key in another. Not only that, but each memoir itself implements more than one voice. Knowing this, however, isn’t always as easy as actually hearing or finding the authentic voice(s) for any given work. Love Sick, for example , took five long years to write because I initially couldn’t hear the various voices in order to fully portray myself. I hadn’t anticipated that the voices in my first memoir would not work for the second. Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You employs a young girl’s voice and a more adult narrator who guides the reader through the quagmire of my incestuous family. Love Sick also uses two main voices: an addict voice and a sober voice. Whereas the voices in Terror, Father sound vulnerable, raw, scared, the voices in Love Sick sound tougher, edgier, albeit, in certain places, also scared. Subsequently, as I’ve been writing memoir essays, I’ve learned each between innocence and experience 51 requiresitsownvoiceandsoundaswell.RememberthatessayIthought wouldbeasimplehighschoollovestory—untilmygrandmotherplodded onto the page? In early drafts, when I was under the illusion I was only writing about the love triangle, the voice sounded thin, insipid, juvenile—along the lines of: “Oh my gosh, I think I’m in love!” This is a major reason why the early drafts failed. After my grandmother appeared , however, the voice grew darker, more textured. The voice of each piece you write needs its own tone, rhythm, vocabulary, and energy. Using Multiple Voices To better understand and differentiate how voice is used in memoir, I’ve developed two main categories by reimagining phrases originated by the poet William Blake: The Song (or Voice) of Innocence and the Song (or Voice) of Experience. You can think of the Voice of Innocence much like the horizontal plot line: it’s the voice that tells the story of what happened, the events. On the other hand, think of the Voice of Experience like the vertical plot line: it’s the voice that interprets or reflects upon the events. In this chapter, then, we’re not learning an altogether new idea. Voice, in effect ,providesthesoundoftheplotlines.Whentheplotshowsanaction (conflict, motivation), the voice speaks this action using a sound that’s compelling.Withoutdynamicvoices,theplot—anyplot—wouldgrow boring. The Voice of Innocence Thisvoicerelatesthefactsofthestory,thesurfacesubjectoraction.It’s the voice that tells us, in effect, “first this happened, and then this next thing happened.” What we can now see is that both the horizontal and vertical plot lines contain emotion—after all, to be human is to feel! However, in the horizontal plot, those emotions are new and poorly, 52 between innocence and experience if at all, understood. Similarly, the Voice of Innocence reveals the raw, not-yet-understood emotions associated with the story’s action by portraying the person you were (and what you felt) when the sequence of events actually took place. Does the voice sound interesting? Funny? Sad? Angry? Intense? Anguished? The Voice of Innocence makes use of one, two, or a whole chorus of sounds, leaving it to the Voice of Experience to sort them all out. The Voice of Experience With the Voice of Experience, therefore, we add a more mature voice or persona that, in effect, explains and deepens the Voice of Innocence with metaphor, spirituality, irony, reflection. This voice offers the progression of thought in the memoir by examining what the Voice of Innocence (facts and raw emotions) means. This more complex viewpoint interprets and reflects upon the surface subject. Say, for example, the Voice of Innocence describes an anxiety attack ; then, the Voice of Experience seeks to understand why you had it, what it means. What are the ramifications of past occurrences and behaviors? What are the metaphors that deepen the events? This voice speaks the vertical plot line, offering insight and a fuller awareness of actions.Imaginethatyou’regazingovertherailingofabridgeand,with authorialX-rayvision,youcanseebelowthesurfaceofwater,deepinto the heart...