Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

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Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor istranslated to heaven. In this country the gallows ischiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it. Whether on the gallows high Or where bloodflowsthe reddest, The noblest place for man to die— Is where he died the deadest. Old Play. Gambler,^. A man. Gambling, n. A pastime in which the pleasure consists partly in the consciousness of advantages gained for oneself, but mainly in the contemplation of another's loss. Gargoyle, n. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings, commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building. This was especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures generally, inwhich the gargoyles presented aperfect rogues' gallery of local heretics and controversialists. Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the new incumbents. Garter, n. [i.] An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. [2.] An order of merit established by Edward III of England, and conferred upon persons who have distinguished themselves in the royal favor. Other kinds of public service are otherwise rewarded. cc 'Tis Britain's boast that knighthood of the Garter Was ne'er conferred upon a cad or carter; Well, any thrifty and ambitious flunkey Can drive a bargain—few can drive a donkey." So the proud cynic. Some ensuing dicker Gave him that pretty bauble for hiskicker. Gas-meter, n. The family liar in the basement. Gastricjuice, n. A liquid for dissolving oxen and making men of the pulp. Gawby, n. A Hector A. Stuart. Gawk, n. A person of imperfect grace, somewhat overgiven to the viceof falling over his own feet. Geese, n. The plural of "Prohibitionist." Gender, n. The sexof words. A masculine wooed a feminine noun, But his courting didn't suit her, So he begged averbhis wishes to crown, But the verb replied, with a frigid frown: "What object haveI? Fm neuter." Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly careto trace his own. Generally, adv. Usually, ordinarily, as, Men generally lie, A woman is generally treacherous, etc. Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest. Genesis, n. The first of the five sacred books written byMoses. The evidence of that great man's authorship of this book and the four others is of the most convincing character: he never disavowed them. Genius, n. That particular disposition of the faculties intellectual which enables one to write poetry like Hector Stuart and prose like Loring Pickering; to draw like Carl Browne and paint like Mr. Swan; to model like the immortal designer of the Cogswell statue or the Lotta fountain; to speaklike the great O'Donnell. In a general sense, anydegree of mental superiority that enables its possessor to live acceptably upon his admirers, and without blame be unbrokenly drunk. Gent, n. The vulgarian's idea of a gentleman. The male of the genus Hoodlum. Genteel, adj. Refined,after the fashion of a gent. Observe with care, myson, the distinction I reveal: A gentleman is gentle and agent genteel. Heed not the definitions your "Unabridged" presents, For dictionary makersare generally gents. GJ. Gentleman, n. A rare animal sufficiently described in the lines immediately foregoing . 94 I THE UNABRIDGED DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Gentlewoman, n. The female of the genus Gentleman. The word is obsolete, gentlewomen, for no fault of their own, being now known as"ladies." The wretch who first called gentlewomen ladies, Being first duly hanged, arrived at Hades Where, welcomed by the devils to their den, He bowed and said: "Good morning—gentlemen." Genuflection, n. Leg-service. The actof bending the knee to Him who so made it that the posture isunnatural and fatiguing. Genuine, adj. Real, veritable, as,A genuine counterfeit, Genuine hypocrisy, etc. Geographer, n. A chapwho cantell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside. Habeam, geographer of wide renown, Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town, In passing thence along the river Zam To the adjacent village of Xelam, Bewildered by...