Grace, Fallen from

Piano with Distance

37 PIANO฀WITH฀DISTANCE I฀guess฀I฀could฀play฀it. Sound฀in฀my฀head฀coming฀ the฀same฀time฀my฀hand฀ does฀something.฀฀Or฀before I฀hear฀a฀thing.฀฀This฀thing฀grand and฀black,฀sideways-languid฀ as฀an฀island฀you’d฀approach฀ from฀the฀air,฀big,฀forever฀ torturing฀its฀spun฀wires฀inside,฀ stretched฀low฀or฀high.฀฀And฀they฀ break—when?฀฀Just฀past the฀most฀lofty,฀squeezed฀out,฀my chipping-away-with-a-hairpin note.฀฀We฀used฀to฀make thunder฀as฀kids,฀booming in฀the฀lowest฀register฀our฀brief฀ stories฀of฀utter฀disaster.฀฀And฀then the฀high฀quick฀fall฀of฀rain— supposed฀to฀be฀soothing.฀฀It฀was mindless—that฀clink฀clink฀clink. What฀can฀I฀say?฀฀We฀were easily฀pleased฀by฀the฀famously฀ unoriginal.฀฀Ours฀ was฀a฀spinet.฀฀I฀never฀learned฀right.฀฀ 38 I฀never฀really฀learned฀though฀ my฀teacher,฀a฀genius,฀one฀ Mr.฀Schwartz,฀inch฀ by฀inch฀brought฀ every฀other฀instrument฀ in฀the฀fabulous฀world to฀my฀lessons—violin,฀clarinet,฀ gleaming฀small฀bicycle฀wheel of฀French฀horn฀I฀heard฀ to฀my฀left฀turning฀over฀ and฀under฀my฀unthinkable฀ measures.฀฀But฀the฀oboe฀took฀me right฀out:฀฀goodbye฀little฀living฀room,฀ goodbye฀St.฀Bartholomew’s,฀ Cornelia฀Avenue,฀Chicago,฀1959.฀฀ At฀last!—Mr.฀Schwartz forgot฀me฀plugging฀away at฀my฀minuet,฀he฀oboe-lost฀to฀circle฀ an฀impossible฀planet฀yet฀to฀be฀found฀ by฀some฀trick฀of฀math฀or฀ discovered฀for฀real฀and฀given฀a฀name,฀ adrift฀where฀it฀wasn’t฀cold,฀wasn’t฀ dark฀but฀it฀got฀darker.฀฀Isn’t฀he฀ something?฀฀my฀mother฀always฀ said฀later.฀฀So฀I฀included฀her฀too—฀ me!฀eking฀out฀my฀terrible฀Mozart,฀ 39 she฀way฀back฀in฀the฀kitchen฀ levitating,฀oh฀somewhere฀ in฀that฀hour,฀secret฀ whoever฀she฀was. ...