Nightmare on Iwo Jima: A Marine in Combat

9. Lunch with a Dead Man and Other Thoughts

Chapte r 9 Lunch with a Dead Man and Other Thoughts I t was on Guam that I first saw someone killed in combat, a Japanese soldier just a few yards from me. Though he was the enemy and this was war, I was very upset. I tried hard to conceal my feelings from the others. Company Executive Officer Clyde McGinnis noticed I was disturbed by the sight of that first killing and suggested I would get used to it. But at that time it did not seem possible. It wasn't too long after that I first saw a fellow Marine killed by the enemy. My quick reaction as a witness to the death of a man I knew justified the killing of the enemy, which soon became commonplace. By contrast, in a crater on Iwo, I opened a box of rations and started to eat. With me was a dead Japanese soldier. By this time, my appetite was not deterred by the company of a dead man. I soon became a seasoned combat Marine and developed the reasoning that one must kill orbe killed. Whenever we killed one of the enemy our feeling was, "There is one who won't raise a son to kill mine." It is difficult to describe the sensation of seeing the enemy eye to eye as he raises his rifle at you. You freeze for a brief moment, then the adrenaline flows and you quickly try to get him before he gets you. This soon becomes instinctive . I worried that this feeling of demeaning life would pervade after the war, that is, if I lasted long enough to become a civilian again. The truth is, after the war I did not go hunting again. The very thought of it is still distasteful to me. One moonlit night while on watch in my foxhole, I observed a rocky ledge off to my left. Somehow, I did not notice it in the daylight when we dug in. It concerned me because the enemy could use it as an approach to our position. As I stared at it in the moonlight, the outline of the rock resembled the face of a man-a profile silhouette with distinct features of forehead, nose, and chin. I thought of Mt. Rushmore's George Washington, except this was a side view, not frontal. I was sure the figure was looking at me, but I didn't know if it was friend or foe, whether it was there to protect us or to attack us. This became more convincing as I continued to look at it. Iwo could do something like that to you. It was a long night and the sky was clear and peaceful except for the Japanese artillery and sporadic bursts of gunfire . As dawn approached, the silhouette gradually faded and the characteristic form of the rocky ledge began to assume its natural daytime appearance. The profile was no longer distinguishable. I facetiously thought the figure must be nocturnal. We resumed our attack and moved on and away from the ledge, but not from the impression and concern that stuck with me. Our days were preoccupied with the enemy, with no time or reason for personal concerns. The nights were dreadfully Lunch with a Dead Man and Other Thoughts 67 68 MOVING ON long and provided more than ample opportunity for the mind to ramble. Two men shared a foxhole; one watched and listened while the other tried to sleep or rest. We alternated every hour or so. In order to remain awake while on watch, I had to keep my mind active and alert, my eyes open to look, and my ears tuned to listen. That's when the mind went to work, and it never seemed to slow down. During these periods of vigil, my thoughts carried me randomly from one topic to another. At times related, sometimes not, they invariably came to rest on thoughts about my family : what they were doing back home; my kid brother in the Army Air Force, shot down over Germany and listed as missing in action; my other brother in the China-BurmaIndia theater of operations; my brother-in-law in Europe under General Patton; my sister handling the correspondence for all of us and holding the fort for my parents. Sitting and waiting for day to break did lend itself to serious soul searching. I questioned...