The Marengo Jake Stories: The Tales of Jake Mitchell and Robert Wilton Burton

Looking Backward

LookingBackward [After Edward Bellamy] The half man was recently exhibited in Auburn, and every negro that could raise a quarter went to see the wonder. Ever since then the talk amongst the colored population has run largely on human monstrosities and deformities of one kind and another . Each vied with the other in telling wonderful stories, till at length the gentleman from Marengo gained the floor and told the following story, which eclipsed all the rest and silenced every tongue: "Down dar in M'ringer dey was a man by de name 0' Mr. Rumpless. Dey come long a showman an' he went to Mr. Rumpless an' tole him he dun foun' out a way to men' folkses bones an' meat same es you men's a plow or a hoe. He lowed he could cut a man's arm plum off'n him an' den stick hit back, an' nobody wouldn' know hit ever been cut off. "Mr. Rumpless he never pay much 'tention to dat show- Looking Backward / 159 man at fus, caze he never b'lieve a word he said. He des [']lowed dat showman was a lyin' des to hear hissef talk, sorter like some 0' deze Aubu'n niggers does[.] But, sah, dat showman he kep on a devlin Mr. Rumpless. He tole him ef he'd jine in wid him dey'd sho git rich. He [']lowed dey'd take a nigger an' dey'd go 'bout allover de country an' give a show; dey'd cut offdat nigger's arms an' his laigs, an' dey'd stick em back on so quick de nigger wouldn't have time to feel hit hurt him. Den w'en de folks see dat merricle 'form' dey go an' norate 'bout hit all over de lan', an' everybody ud des be bound to see dat show ef hit cos' em two dollars a haid. "Mr. Rumpless he tole dat showman dat'd be mighty nice ef hit was des so, but he 'lowed he want him to try de fust speerment on somebody else's nigger, caze he never had nair'n to spar'. "But de showman he never give it up. He kep' on a dev'lin' Mr. Rumpless an' beggin' him to furnish a nigger an' go in cahoots wid him, tell atter wile Mr. Rumpless he up an'low: '''Seem like efyou kin do folks dat way you kin do dogs, too.' '''I kin,' dat showman says. "'Well, den, Mr. Rumpless,' says he, 'we'll try de fust speerment on my ole yaller dog's tail, an' efyou can't stick hit back all right I'll des have a bob-tail dog, an' a bob-tail dog is des 'bout es good es a long-tail dog, 'cep'n' nobody can't tell when dey're mad or when dey're pleasin'. "Wid dat dey tuck an' called up ole Tige an' dat man chopped his tail off, an' no sooner he done it he tuck an' rub sumpin' on de stump whar look like dis yer sticky rozzum, an' he stuck de tail on agin. 160 / Looking Backward "Hit was all done dat sudden ole Tige didn't have time to howl fo' his tail was done stuck back on him, an' he never had nothin' to holler fer den. "Mr. Rumpless was dat tickle he des laid back an' laf. He never is seed nOthin' like dat befo' in all his born life. "Dey waited a little wile to let dat stuff dry, an' den dat showman he tole Mr[.] Rumpless to see efhe could pull ole Tige's tail off. "Mr[.] Rumpless he cotch ole Tige by de tail an' he drug him all over de plantation, but dat tail hit was struck des like hit growed dar f'om a pup. "Mr[.] Rumpless he wasn't zackly sari'fy yit. He 'lowed de showman might could stick de tail back on wid glue, but de dog couldn't use hit to fan off de flies an' to let folks know whe'r he was pleasin', or mad, or scared. "Mr. Rumpless he got him a piece 0' fat meat an' hilt hit up whar ole Tige could see hit. "Man, sah! you des ought to a seed how ole Tige wagged his tail w'en he seed dat meat. Efhit hadn't a been stuck on mighty...