The Marengo Jake Stories: The Tales of Jake Mitchell and Robert Wilton Burton

Birmingham Dirt: A Widespread Idea Illustrated by Old Jake

BirminghamDirt A Widespread Idea Illustrated by Old Jake HOW "MOSS RAIF" GOT RICHWHAT A "[M]RINGER" PIG'S TAIL CAN DO WHEN IT TRIES "Moss Wilbur, is you yeard de news f'om Burnin'ham[?]" inquired Jake. "No. What is it?" "Moss Raif's done got plum rich up dar." "I'm glad to hear that. How did he make his fortune?" "On Burnin'ham dirt." "That is not strange. A great many fortunes have been made by speculating in Birmingham real estate. Raifwent up there to make money and he's a sharp fellow. I'm not surprised to hear that he has been successful[.]" "You'se mighty right, boss[.] Moss Raifis des 'bout es sharp es dey ever makes 'em. He run agin some r[i]ght peart folks up dar, an' dey 'lowed dey'd clean him up fa' dey got done wid him, but man sah! he come out on top at las'. He's a sooner, Moss Raifis[.] Dem folks sorter got way wid him a little at fust, but nemmine dat, Moss Raif's all right now. Birmingham Dirt / 153 "Wen he fust got dar to Burnin'ham he had a right smart 0' money, caze I never is seed de time w'en he didn't have de spons[.] He 'lowed he'd buy 'bout fo' hundred acres 0' lan' right in de middle 0' de town an' den set down an' res' tell dat lan' ud fetch 'bout five times es much es he gin for hit. Lots 0' folks is done dat way in Burnin'ham." "Not a doubt of it. Some people living in Auburn now have made a good deal of money that way." "Yas, sah, dey is date But nair one's ever made es much es Moss Raif, caze none ob 'em ever study out es good a plan es him. "W'en he went to make inqui'ment 'bout de price 0' lan' up dar, he sot his eyes on some nice level lots right dar in de middle 0' de city, an' he layed offto buy ever' one 0' 'em ef de price was right. But w'en he ax de price 0' dat lan' his eyes turn plum wrong-sided out, he was dat bad 'stonish[.] Dem folks tole him he'd hatter open his pocket-book ef he want any 0' dat dirt-he'd hatter pull out dem ole gole pieces whar done got rusty caze dey ain't see'd de light so longan ' he'd hatter come down wid all de scads he got, caze dat lan' was wuf two hund'ed thousan' dollars a acre. "W'en Moss Raifyeard dat word hit seem like he done change his mine, an' he don't want no lan', nohow. "He went home an' he went to bed, sah, caze Moss Raif was sick, sah. "But he overed dat in 'bout a week, an' he lit out to hunt lan' agin. "Dis time he didn't want no dirt right in de middle 0' de city. He want to go out a piece whar he could git fresh air ef anybody said anything to make a fellow sick. "He went out 'bout two mile, an' den he stop an' 'mence to look 'roun. "Hit was sorter in de aidge 0' de woods, an' de frogs was 154 / Birmingham Dirt singin' tolerble lively, like dey might be a branch or a pon' somers 'bout dar. "Moss Raif knowed lan' was gwine to be cheap 'nough dar. He was scared hit 'ud be mos' too cheap, and he'd hatter wait too long for hit to git high. "He was des 'bout to start back an' go in 'bout a mile furder, but a man stopped him an' ax him don't he want to buy some mighty n[i]ce Ian'. "Moss Raiftole him yas, dat was de business he was on, ef de price warnt too high. "Wid dat de man tuck him an' showed him roun'. He walked him better'n a mile fo' dey ever said air word 'bout de price. "Moss Raifhe was a gittin' sorter tired, an' he stopped an' axed dat man spotly what was de price of fifty acres 0' dat Ian'. "Dat man he puckered his moufsame es he been eatin' a green 'simmon, an' he des whistle. "'Who de name 0' sense...