The Time Remaining

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97 19 It is now three weeks since she opened her eyes, and, however hard she tries, Raya can only remember the fire. And the images never change. She is running into the living room where the sofa and the draperies are in flames. She sees Tabry half on the floor and half on the sofa, then reaches under his armpits and tries to tug him across the floor toward the front door. All the time she is coughing because of the smoke and, between coughs, screaming, “Help! Help me, please!” By the time she reaches the doorway, she is joined by two firefighters who push her aside, seize Tabry by the ankles and arms, and carry him across the porch to the front yard. Raya remembers feeling a hard blow to the side of her head. It comes suddenly, like a shot. And the memories stop. From then on all she remembers is sky—a sky without a cloud through which she is floating like her own planet. She looks upward into the pale blue that has no end. She imagines that she is floating on her back in a dead sea. She cannot sink even if she tries, and she has no desire to try. It is simply enough for her to float and look upward into blue and let the sea take care of her. Presences seem to be in motion around her. She feels them, but she does not see them. It is as if they are passing in utter silence and darkness. From somewhere in the void of pale blue she hears from time to time a voice. It is Dodge Gilchrist’s voice, and he is talking to her, but she cannot understand him. She wants so much to answer him and tell him not to leave her or disappear entirely, but he continues to talk. It is as if her answering or not answering has no influence on him whatsoever. In her memory of those moments she senses that someone else is standing beside her. She feels fingertips on her forehead and at her temples . Suddenly, it seems as if something like a nail is being driven into her skull. The pain is like a burn from a hot iron. Then the nail is withdrawn, 98 | The Time Remaining and the pain eases for a moment but does not vanish. She feels a cool towel on her forehead, on her neck, under her breasts, across her thighs, and down her legs to the ankles. She wants more than anything to sit upright, but her body refuses. She feels imprisoned in her own skin. It is as if she is merely the occupant of her body, as if its will is no longer her will. And all the time Gilchrist is continuing to speak to her. His voice is calm, conversational. He does not seem to be aware of her predicament at all. She wants to tell him that she is listening, but her tongue does not obey her. She lets the sea and the sky take her where they want to take her. She stops trying to speak or sit up or see or move. There are long silences during which Gilchrist is not speaking to her. When he does speak, he seems to her to be speaking through a blanket. It is his voice. Raya is sure of that. She can sense the rhythm of his words, but she does not know what the words mean. Perhaps, she thinks, he is speaking in another language. At one point she is startled by someone who is speaking to her and calling her by name. “Miss Tabry, can you hear me?” It is not Gilchrist’s voice this time. “Miss Tabry, it’s Dr. Voss. Can you hear me? Please, squeeze my hand if you can hear me.” ...