Selections from The Art of Party Crashing in Medieval Iraq

Accounts of the Ones That the Guards Would Refuse, but Who Outwit the Guards with a Lie or a Ruse

99 Accounts of the Ones That the Guards Would Refuse, but Who Outwit the Guards with a Lie or a Ruse 128 Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad ibn Ja‘far al-Rafiqi informed us, ‘Ali ibn Muhammad ibn al-Sari al-Hamadhani told us, Ahmad ibn al-Hasan al-Muqri’ said: Bunan passed by a wedding and wanted to get in, but couldn’t. So he went to the grocer and put his ring down in exchange for ten cups of chewable honey. Then he returned to the gate of the wedding and said, “Hey, gatekeeper! Open up!” And the gatekeeper said, “Who are you?” “I see that you don’t recognize me!” Bunan replied. “I’m the guy who was supposed to get the The Art of Party-Crashing 100 honey cups,” so the gatekeeper opened the gate and Bunan went in. He ate and drank with the crowd, and when he’d had enough, he took the honey cups again and called to the gatekeeper, “Open up! They want plain honey, so I’ve got to return these cups.” He went out and returned them to the grocer, and got his ring back. 129 And he said: Bunan went to a banquet only to have the door shut in his face, so he borrowed a ladder, leaned it against the man’s wall, and climbed up. Then he began watching the man’s daughters from above. “Hey, you!” the man called. “Do you not fear God? You’re looking at my daughters!” “O Sheikh!” Bunan replied. “Well dost thou know we have no need of thy daughters: indeed, thou knowest quite well what we want!”1 Then the man laughed and said, “Come down and eat, then.” 1. The Qur’anic verse that Bunan quotes is 11:79, Hud, in which the lusty crowds of Sodom respond to Lot, who has attempted to appease them with his daughters. These crowds, unlike the party-crasher, were not after food. Accounts of Ones that Guards Would Refuse 101 “Hey!” said Bunan. “Don’t think ill of your elders next time, and ask God to forgive you for what just happened.” 130 There was a tale of this sort told about Ash‘ab ibn Jubayr, a master of wit in Medina: ‘Ali ibn Abu ‘Ali told us, Isma‘il ibn Sa‘id alMu ‘addal told us, Abu Bakr ibn al-Anbari said, Mus‘ab al-Zubayri said that: Salim ibn ‘Abd Allah was out for a picnic with all of his women in one of the parks of the city. Ash‘ab caught wind of this and thought he would drop by for some party-crashing. He found the park gate locked and began to scale the wall, when Salim said, “Damn it, Ash‘ab! My daughters and my lady are with me!” Ash‘ab responded, “Well dost thou know we have no need of thy daughters: indeed, thou knowest quite well what we want!” So Salim gave him some food—some to eat and some to take home. 131 Muhammad ibn ‘Ali al-Jallab related to me: The Art of Party-Crashing 102 A party-crasher came to a wedding and was denied entry. He happened to know that the bride’s brother was absent, so he left and got a piece of paper. He folded it up like a letter, and he sealed it (although there was nothing inside), and he addressed it “From the brother to the bride.” He went back. “I have a note from the bride’s brother for her,” he said. He received permission to go in and present the letter. “We’ve never seen an address like this before,” everybody said. “It has no name on it!” “What’s even stranger than that,” said the party-crasher, “is that there’s nothing inside— not one letter! That’s because he was in a big hurry when he wrote it.” Everybody laughed. They knew it was a trick to get in, and they let him get away with it. 132 Muhammad ibn ‘Ali said to me: There was a party-crasher named Waylon, and somebody asked him, “What do you do if they won’t let you into a wedding?” Accounts of Ones that Guards Would Refuse 103 He said, “I start wailin’ by the door until people get sick of it...