The Education of Women and The Vices of Men: Two Qajar Tracts

1. Of Women’s Character and Conduct

11 1 Of Women’s Character and Conduct This much is certain: that love should be mutual, and this cannot be compared with any other matter. A man who is in love with a woman, if he witnesses a lack of it, obviously he will forsake it if he has to complain without ceasing of its object; and when this happens, we may say with perfect truth that if the heart gains nothing by foregoing its affection, it loses nothing either. Suppose he encounters a thousand unkindnesses from his beloved because he has limited time [to see her], not more than one hour. For example, after some time, when during one hour the two lovers may see their love after a thousand obstacles , then he can behave in such a way that this one hour does not become a source of discord. You can behave in such a way for one hour or one day, but how can a person do so all this life? In companionship and association, all faults become evident and become the cause of a man’s frustration. So the wife should behave in such a way not that there never will be any discourse between them, but rather that their love should increase hour by hour. Although longtime association and being together for a long period by itself creates lack of love, yet we have seen for many ugly and ill-shaped women, whose appearance displeases many, because of their good behavior and disposition their every fault appears to the husband as a thousand beauties, and never her defects are seen by the husband. Indeed, 12 The Education of Women The beloved is not the one with hair fine and waist shapely. Be enamored of the beauty who has that special quality.13 Strangers and relatives express their surprise, saying, “It is only because of his animal nature that he has a love for such an ugly woman.” That poor man, because he is well provided for in every aspect, he suffers reproach and does not leave the woman and says to her: By your soul, if all the world comes to an end, I cannot forget you for one moment. Most of the time, it so happens, many beautiful, intelligent , and accomplished women are worse than poisonous snakes and scorpions in the eyes of their husbands. That poor man complains all the time about his bad luck. In order to obtain his love, she does not know better than to go after the potion of this molla or that Jewish sorcerer. What a wondrous thing! For many years, my heart sought the Holy Grail, What was within myself, it sought from strangers to no avail.14 My lady, love is within yourself, and you are the reason for its loss. The secret of why most ugly women succeed and often are happy is partly because they despair of themselves, and they compensate for their ugliness with good behavior and in this way increase their husband’s love. I have plucked many fruits of desire from that palm of passion. How can the tree of love give a fruit better than this?15 Of Women’s Character and Conduct 13 However, those poor beautiful souls who take pride in their natural beauty and are conceited about it and think that this is proper are overcome by the pride of beauty and forget good behavior. They are deceived by those who praise them and always say: When hearing the beloved’s pleasing words The lover forgets heaven and earth. The poor darlings are wrapped up in their conceit and vanity, and when they come to themselves, it is when their beauty is no longer the object of desire, and they are afflicted with pain and sorrow. Fortune fled, heart burning and tearful eyes My heart aflame, my eyes crying. My dear, you should not be beguiled by beauty and comeliness ; do not abandon good disposition. In any case and any circumstance be submissive and be self-effacing. Until I have given up free will I cannot join the dervish’s whirl.16 The wife must completely efface herself when obeying her husband . She should not question anything and whatever he says she should do, for obeying her husband should be her duty. I intend to recompense your cruelty with my soul. I will continue to do so, else my life is not whole.17...