A Muslim Suicide

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157 8 So now I’ve made up my mind. When both this devout man and the shaykh from Meknes share the same opinion, it cannot be wrong. I’m waiting for you, Fayha’. So give me a sign, and I’ll obey. Issue your instructions, and I’ll respond at once. While you are making everything ready for us, I will inevitably have to take some dives, albeit briefly, into a well-defined quadrangle within the broader sea of religious and secular learning. For that particular day and others that would follow it, I made a selection of books, some of which had long been awaiting my attention. They each issued an invitation, tempting me to read them for the first time or to reread them. I put them either on my table or under my pillow, all with the goal of perusing them whenever possible as a way of compensating for my lack of concentration in recent times. As is my usual practice when it comes to making the most effective use of my learning time, I examined the various genres of writing laid out before me from the perspective of those areas of knowledge and preoccupations that were my particular concern at that point. It seemed inevitable to me that I would have to reread the section from al-Ghazali’s great work, Revival of the Religious Sciences, devoted to “marriage customs,” in which the great sage manages to give a superb presentation with regard to both its analytical presentation and its clear exposition. In this section (and also in another section devoted to the proper practice of seclusion), he elucidates for the reader his rationale for basing the discussion of differences in people on different life circumstances and personalities, although he goes on to point out that humans in general have a tendency to find a happy medium—to the extent feasible—between devotion to God and marriage and between seclusion and congregation with others. However, anyone who 158 | Bensalem Himmich adheres to one of these pairs rather than both is responsible for his own decision and can justify himself on those grounds with no call for censure or blame. As the text itself notes, Malik ibn Dinar* was asked, “Why haven’t you married?” to which he replied, “Given my druthers, I would divorce my own self.” Then there’s the quotation from Ibn Adham*: “Nothing good has ever come from someone who is used to women’s thighs.” That comment needs much more precision and specificity, and can be interpreted in a whole host of ways. With regard to my personal circumstances and corporeal existence, it is obvious that I am going to have to close the book on my bachelorhood and all talk of youthful passions. Only then will I be able to use marriage as a way of guiding my desires and passionate urges in the right direction so as to earn the approval of the Prophet. In this matter as in others, my model the Prophet (whom I have seen in dreams on more than one occasion) tells me, “Marriage is my custom. Whoever admires my modes of conduct, let him follow my custom.” So, once I have fulfilled to the maximum extent the obligation of investigating my beloved, let my marriage be with God’s blessing and in accordance with the Prophet’s custom. It is Al-A‘mash* who transmits the saying “Any wedding undertaken without preliminary investigation will end in pain and grief.” I also followed the advice given by the most exalted of prophets to lovers when he says, “Let none of you have sex with his wife like some animal. Instead let there be a messenger between the couple.” The Prophet was asked what he meant by the word messenger . “A kiss,” he replied, “and sweet, tender words.” My model and example, what wonderful words those are! May it all happen as you recommend. In treating the woman who lifts me up and entrances me have I behaved in a way that is any different from what you suggest, my most reliable source-text? Permissible actions are intended to be modes of both diversion and recreation : what a wonderfully foundational principle that is in my own faith community , one that shies away from tedium and encourages enjoyment and good company! With that in mind, the prospect of marriage and its alleged pitfalls cannot scare me, particularly when God has guided me to an honorable woman who...