A Muslim Suicide

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79 12 On my way to Murcia, I thought about the people I was being forced to leave behind: my sister, teary-eyed at my departure; Maymuna, still asleep and clutching some of my hair and clothing; and Raquta, with all its sights, smells, and people. Today, all those particular moments from my youth seem like stars, shining even more brightly and luminously the farther away they are. At the northwestern outskirts of the city I noticed Castilian soldiers setting up their billets and heading in groups toward the city itself. It was then that I realized that the surrender agreement was being implemented in accordance with the terms they had imposed on our debauched and defeatist rulers—God alone possesses power and might! Close to the center of the city I witnessed a remarkable event. A vagrant clown came toward a group of soldiers who were stopping passers-by and searching them. With a gesture of his stick he insisted that they leave him alone and treat him like a warrior fighting for God’s cause. They kept laughing at him and guffawing at his antics. Just then I watched as the man went up to two of them and plunged a dagger into them before running off. A hue and cry ensued, as voices announced that two soldiers had been stabbed to death. With that, the soldiers started beating up anyone wearing turbans or skullcaps. For my part I decided to get away as fast as I could so as to avoid this totally unexpected disaster. However, I had only gone a mile or so before another group of soldiers stopped me and searched my baggage. When they found nothing incriminating , their officer stared long and hard at me, then told me to move on. It usually happens that my eyes and general appearance get me out of sticky situations; maybe they are won over by the tokens of the spiritual traveler, one in quest of the realms of the absolute and essential. Whatever the case, many is the time I 80 | Bensalem Himmich have managed to escape by the skin of my teeth and steer clear of the traps that this world presents to the unwary! These tokens that I seem to possess are a blend of innate talent and acquired skill. Without them I would certainly have found myself thrown into prison or madhouse, if not actually crushed and killed—that being the sorry fate of many of my peers. Salman was waiting for me at the door of my house. He was overjoyed to see me and helped me get my things inside. He told me that the students had asked for me several times during my absence. I asked him if ‘Amr had been one of them, and he told me that he had indeed. Before leaving to go about his own business , he handed me a sealed letter that my brother had sent. In it he notified me that the chief of police had released my disciple, ‘Amr from Cordoba. Now I was obliged, he said, to leave Spain as I had promised. If I stayed with the Nasrids* in Granada, who were the sworn enemies of the Banu Hud and their amir, Baha’ aldin the Mighty, then they would arrest all my followers and put them in prison. What an utterly ridiculous threat! Having spent so long in the vicinity of the Banu Hud in Murcia, did they imagine that I would now exchange their regime for that of the Banu Ahmar* in Granada? That would be like leaping out of the frying pan into the fire! I summoned Salman and asked him about Qatr al-nada, since I was thinking about sending her a letter. He told me he had heard that she had left for a town whose name he could not remember. I now told him that I myself was about to leave as well, and he received the news with a mixture of resignation and resolve, almost as though he already knew or expected it. I suggested to him that he might serve my sister, Zaynab, and keep her company in Raquta, to which he replied that he would certainly make sure to do that by visiting her and asking after her. However he also said that, provided that I gave my approval, he preferred to remain in this house until such time as either the Christians or death forced him to leave. I quickly assured him that...