Superdads: How Fathers Balance Work and Family in the 21st Century

SEVEN: Single Superdads

172 Seven Single Superdads The number of single fathers is increasing at a fast rate. Much of the literature on single fathers focuses on nonresidential fathers.1 However, the growth of residential single fathers also deserves attention. In 1970, there were 400,000 single fathers, while in 2010, the number was up to 2.8 million . Just in the past decade, the number of single-father families has increased by 27 percent.2 Men now constitute 19 percent of single residential parents.3 Men are more involved in raising their children and as an extension more interested in custody following divorce.4 This is paired with changing custody preferences in the judicial system, from one in which judges preferred sole custody and avoided split-week custody to one in which joint physical custody has become more popular, even if remaining a minority arrangement.5 Perhaps we will see further movement toward joint custody as studies show children in these arrangements experience much higher adjustment scores than those in sole custody.6 On the one hand, single residential fathers, almost by definition, are more involved with their children than married fathers are.7 On the other hand, single fathers spend a little less time than single mothers caring for their children.8 Nevertheless, there are few differences between single mothers and single fathers in their parenting style, and instead similari- Single Superdads 173 ties may be created by the heavy demands of single parenting.9 However, single fathers are less likely to receive child support from their ex-wives.10 This may create differences in how single fathers and mothers adapt to the competing demands of work and family.11 In addition, fathers are still seen as breadwinners, which may contribute to the greater work-family strain experienced by single fathers.12 This may be particularly relevant for single fathers with custody, as custodial fathers identify more with their father role.13 Given the increasing importance of balancing work and family roles for men, this chapter focuses on single fathers’ attempts to keep their father role central while also providing for their children through their work role. Specifically, I focus on the phenomenon of single superdads, men who prioritize their role as father and change their work lives in order to better balance their time with their children. Single fathers in this study face unique challenges as they attempt to gain custody or raise children on their own. Divorce directly leads to career changes for many of the men going through this process. Other divorced fathers are pushed to change jobs or positions due to the demands of their original job. Single superdads are different from married fathers in both their path to becoming a superdad and their enactment of the role. Becoming a Superdad through Divorce Some single superdads were not superdads when they were married. These fathers often took on more traditional provider roles, which meant their involvement in family life was shaped by work rather than the other way around. However, in the process of separating from their wives, these fathers realized they could not sustain their focus on work and be good single dads. Larry considered himself a “typical father” when he was married. He worked long hours on his way to becoming a crew chief for a race car driver while his wife stayed home with their daughter. However, when they separated just six months after getting married, he was faced with a decision about whether he wanted to be a “one-day-a-week daddy” or a real parent to his 18-month-old daughter: Single Superdads 174 I looked at my life, and I thought, “Okay, I’m at a crossroads here. I can keep going the way I’m going, have all these great things, but I’m not gonna be able to have a relationship or I’m not gonna be able to have my daughter.” I can’t—you know, with where that would have been taking me, that’s—there would be no time for it. I would have been a one-day-a-week daddy, you know, see you when you can, give you a call when you can, and I—it was very simple—I just, in my heart, no, I don’t want to. I want to be a parent to this little girl. . . . So I told my company I’m done. I can’t...