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| 197 Appendix A Methods My methodology for studying the politics of marriage in Oklahoma incorporated an “extended case method,” in which I first sought to dialogue with participants, and I then worked to embed this dialogue “within a second dialogue between local processes and extralocal forces that in turn can only be comprehended through a third, expanding dialogue of theory with itself.”1 During the first four months, I concentrated on participation in marriage initiative workshops for the general population that I located on the marriage initiative website. I traveled across the state to attend a total of thirty workshops for the general public that were advertised on the marriage initiative’s website, including three Sweethearts Weekends (six classes), three six-week workshops (fifteen classes), and twenty-four weekend workshops (twentyfour classes). I also conducted participant observation of a state-sponsored Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) training weekend to discover the method for training volunteers. In attending workshops for the general population, I approached the workshop leader before the class to tell her or him about my research and to gain permission to participate. During introductions, I would then announce to the participants who I was, the nature of my research, and let them know I could answer questions during the break or after class. Because these workshops were open to the public, I did not seek consent from individuals, and as a participant I shared my views and my background, and I then blended in as part of the class. While couples were the dominant presence in the workshops, sometimes single women and men attended because either they wanted to learn the skills or were there to coach the exercises. I blended in best when the workshops included other single participants. The first workshop I attended accentuated the challenging dynamics I at times encountered as a researcher. Each workshop leader has her or his own style for presenting the curriculum, and Natalie used a conversational style, 198 | Appendix A such as discussing negative images of marriage on television. I was startled when she abruptly changed the subject to say that she did not even want to talk about what was happening in San Francisco. She then surmised, “That doesn’t have anything to do with us.” It was the last week of February 2004, not too long after Mayor Gavin Newsom had authorized the city to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, a story that splashed across news headlines and had stirred a national debate. Later in the day, she told us that one of the things that really made her laugh was a choir singing the wedding song on television as two gay men were getting married in San Francisco, and she performed it for us in a rather sardonic tone: “We’re going to the church, and we’re going to get married.” At this point, one of the women grimaced in disgust. I felt the blood rush to my face while I quietly looked down at my workbook, feeling conflict in my role as a researcher to not address the homophobia I perceived in this performance. There were many such moments during my ethnographic research when I felt the need to suppress my opinions that conflicted with the conservative values I encountered. As I attended workshops and expanded my research to other marriage initiative activities, I became a regular presence and was treated as an insider. Most of the time, this worked in my favor as people assumed that I shared their perspectives, providing me the opportunity to understand their motivations and worldview. The leaders of the marriage initiative were very welcoming and were excited to share their efforts to offer an important service to the public. I appreciated their quest to better people’s relationships and reduce the pain that comes from divorce. Many of the participants I interviewed attested to the power of the workshops to help couples better their relationship skills. At the same time, I sought to maintain a critical distance from the world I was immersed in to think more broadly about the implications of the politics of marriage. Thus, in this book, I have engaged a reflexive analysis that is inspired by a critical approach to ethnography , a challenge to conventional forms of realist interpretations offered by a purportedly omniscient narrator.2 My goal, as the political theorist Nancy Fraser has proposed in her conceptualization of critical theory, is to throw light on social processes that obscure power...

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