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>> 95 3 Engaging Multiple Roles and Identities Men’s Experiences (Re)negotiating Work and Family Sam, a 36-year-old White financial analyst, and Jake, a 30-year-old White doctoral student, were living in a suburb on the West Coast when they adopted their daughter, Hannah, via private domestic open adoption. Sam earned an income of more than $200,000 a year, while Jake made about $20,000 as a teaching assistant at the university where he was working on his doctorate. In explaining their decision to have Jake stay at home part-time while continuing to work on his degree, both men agreed that it “just made sense” from a financial standpoint . But they both also agreed that Jake could not be a full-time stay-at-home parent, because he did not want to halt progress on his doctoral degree. When they adopted Hannah, both men felt somewhat torn about using a day care center. For example, Sam observed that Jake would “very much like not to have her be there. And I would also prefer that she’s not there but I don’t think that my feelings are as strong as his. . . . But of course right now there is no other option, especially when he’s working on his degree and I need to work.” Likewise, Jake expressed a sense of discomfort, even guilt, about the fact that his daughter was in day care part-time. He observed that 96 > 97 cursorily (Bergman, Rubio, Green, & Padron, 2010; Gianino, 2008; Mallon, 2004). The study of how gay male couples negotiate the division of paid and unpaid labor is important, given that paid work has historically been associated with and viewed as a hallmark of masculinity, while housework and child care are deeply intertwined with notions of femininity (Coltrane, 2000; Kroska, 2003). As gay men, the individuals in the study are positioned to resist and disrupt such linkages, in that they pursue parenthood in a nonheterosexual relational context; but, at the same time, in that they are men, they are necessarily vulnerable to and may internalize (or at least wrestle with) such associations. Deciding Who Will Reduce Their Time in Paid Employment In heterosexual couples, the decision is typically not whether the mother or the father should stay at home, but whether the mother should continue to work or stay at home (Ericksen, Jurgens, Garrett, & Swedburg, 2008; Lupton & Schmied, 2002). In part, this is a function of the fact that historically, both men and women have tended to view the husband as the main economic provider, and the woman as the more appropriate parent to stay at home, at least temporarily (Lupton & Schmied, 2002). Stereotypes of women as more “suited” to stay-at-home caregiving, because of their presumed innate capacity for nurturance, may also play into decisions about the distribution of paid and unpaid work in early parenthood (Stoller, 2002). The reality that women often earn less than men may also lead couples to decide that it “just makes more sense” for the woman to stay home, at least part-time (Brandon, 1999). Gay male couples, in that they consist of two men, cannot rely on the gender structure to dictate the division of unpaid and paid labor. The question then becomes how couples in which both partners do not continue to work fulltime explain their decision making about which partner will stay home or reduce their work hours. In 14 of the 35 couples in the study, both partners continued to work fulltime after becoming parents; in 16 couples, one partner continued to work full-time and one partner worked part-time; and in five couples, one partner continued to work full-time and one partner stayed at home full-time. Thus the following discussion refers to the 21 couples in which one partner reduced their work hours or stopped working altogether. Income Men in nine of the couples pointed to the difference in partners’ income as the deciding factor in who would be the primary caregiver: the partner 98 > 99 Job Dissatisfaction Men in five couples noted that one partner’s job dissatisfaction served as the “tipping point” in deciding who should stay home. These men—and their partners—emphasized that they were eager to “opt out” of what they viewed as unpleasant, unsatisfying, or menial jobs and to “opt in” to a parenting job that they viewed as inherently more worthwhile. Job dissatisfaction, coupled with a desire to be the primary caregiver, led...

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