Your Average Nigga: Performing Race, Literacy, and Masculinity

Introduction: The Burden of Racial Performance

I’m฀a฀dark-skinned฀black฀man฀who฀spent฀a฀good฀deal฀of฀his฀youth฀ wishing฀he฀were฀white฀because฀he฀believed฀he฀was฀failing฀miserably฀ at฀being฀black.฀To฀be฀sure,฀I฀put฀forth฀my฀best฀efforts฀to฀be฀black,฀to฀ adjust฀my฀speech฀and฀behaviors฀so฀that฀they฀cohered฀with฀my฀race.฀But฀ the฀more฀I฀tried฀to฀acquire฀an฀authentic฀racial฀identity,฀the฀more฀my฀ efforts฀revealed฀my฀inadequacy.฀I฀was฀just฀no฀damn฀good฀at฀it.฀Trying฀ to฀be฀white฀didn’t฀yield฀any฀better฀results,฀although,฀admittedly,฀I฀(and฀ others)฀perceived฀myself฀to฀be฀closer฀to฀what฀a฀white฀boy฀might฀be฀than฀ what฀I฀believed฀a฀black฀boy฀to฀be.฀And,฀speaking฀honestly,฀though฀my฀ desire฀to฀be฀white฀may฀not฀be฀as฀intense฀or฀as฀incessant฀as฀it฀was฀when฀I฀ was฀a฀boy,฀while฀it฀may฀have฀dulled฀significantly,฀it’s฀still฀present. ฀ Writing฀these฀words฀is฀not฀easy,฀and฀it฀takes฀all฀I’ve฀got฀not฀to฀ keep฀them฀private.฀For฀I฀realize฀that฀many฀who฀know฀me,฀who฀think฀ I’m฀crazy฀when฀I฀broach฀this฀topic,฀will฀read฀this฀public฀confession฀as฀ ultimate฀evidence฀that฀I’m฀unhinged.฀Many฀who฀don’t฀know฀me฀will฀ probably฀ask:฀What฀black฀man฀in฀his฀right฀mind฀would฀announce,฀even฀ if฀it฀is฀true,฀that฀he฀wants฀to฀be฀a฀race฀other฀than฀the฀one฀God฀gave฀him,฀ 1 Introduction฀ THE฀BURDEN฀OF฀ RACIAL฀ PERFORMANCE INTRODUCTION฀฀/฀฀2 especially฀after฀the฀civil฀rights฀movement฀and฀its฀follow-up฀black฀pride฀ and฀power฀movements?฀Some฀will฀recall฀James฀Brown’s฀famous฀lyrics฀ “Say฀it฀loud฀/฀I’m฀black฀and฀I’m฀proud”฀and฀wonder฀how฀I฀don’t฀get฀ it.฀Others฀will฀hold฀up฀my฀words฀as฀evidence฀of฀self-hatred,฀as฀a฀sign฀ that฀my฀mind฀has฀been฀racially฀colonized,฀that฀white฀supremacy฀sits฀ in฀my฀consciousness฀where฀the฀slogan฀“Black฀Is฀Beautiful”฀should฀be.฀ If฀I฀have฀sympathizers,฀they฀might฀hope฀for฀my฀racial฀recuperation,฀ doing฀so฀with฀the฀recognition฀that฀it฀doesn’t฀look฀good.฀To฀admit฀that฀ on฀occasion฀I฀still฀wish฀I฀were฀white฀indicates฀to฀some฀that฀I’m฀too฀far฀ gone. ฀ There฀is฀certainly฀an฀undeniable฀element฀of฀madness฀in฀all฀this,฀ a฀psychological฀aspect฀to฀my฀desires฀that฀I฀don’t฀entirely฀understand฀ and฀have฀yet฀to฀fully฀explore.฀Even฀so,฀that฀others฀might฀consider฀my฀ words฀peculiar฀isn’t฀enough฀to฀prevent฀me฀from฀writing฀these฀intimate ฀thoughts.฀It’s฀enough฀to฀stall฀me฀and,฀in฀fact,฀has฀in฀the฀past.฀ But฀it’s฀not฀enough฀to฀stop฀me.฀After฀all,฀sharing฀is฀healing.฀I฀should฀ say,฀though,฀that฀the฀healing฀I’m฀after฀is฀best฀characterized฀not฀by฀a฀ psychologist฀but฀by฀a฀linguist—Mary฀Rhodes฀Hoover,฀who,฀when฀discussing ฀the฀resistance฀of฀some฀parents฀to฀efforts฀to฀teach฀Black฀English ฀Vernacular฀(hereafter฀BEV)฀in฀schools,฀says฀their฀opposition฀was฀ “not฀evidence฀of฀self-hatred”฀(1978,฀65).1 ฀In฀other฀words,฀the฀parents฀ didn’t฀loathe฀themselves฀because฀they฀didn’t฀want฀black฀children฀to฀be฀ instructed฀in฀the฀speech฀that,฀rightly฀or฀wrongly,฀is฀considered฀characteristic ฀of฀who฀we฀are฀as฀a฀people.฀In฀order฀to฀understand฀their฀feelings ฀as฀something฀other฀than฀self-hate,฀Hoover฀recommends฀a฀shift฀in฀ analysis:฀“The฀proper฀interpretation฀[of฀their฀reactions],”฀she฀writes,฀ “is฀sociolinguistic฀rather฀than฀psychiatric”฀(65). ฀ My฀reason฀for฀offering฀this฀tidbit฀from฀Hoover฀is฀to฀show฀how฀ my฀opening฀confession,฀which฀may฀not฀appear฀at฀first฀to฀be฀about฀education ,฀is฀indeed฀about฀language฀and฀literacy,฀especially฀given฀that฀ academic฀verbal฀skills฀were฀the฀primary฀means฀I฀exploited฀to฀perform฀ race฀not฀only฀in฀school฀but฀also฀in฀the฀black฀community฀in฀which฀I฀ was฀raised.฀Hoover’s฀words฀also฀verify฀that฀my฀desire฀to฀be฀white฀does฀ not฀necessarily฀mean฀I฀hate฀being฀black.฀What฀it฀does฀mean฀is฀that฀ whatever฀factors฀compel฀me฀to฀prove฀my฀blackness฀and฀consequently฀ to฀try฀to฀be฀white฀are฀inextricably฀linked฀to฀my฀life฀in฀the฀hood฀and฀ THE฀BURDEN฀OF฀RACIAL฀PERFORMANCE฀฀/฀฀3 my฀life฀in฀school.฀Thus฀to฀comprehend฀what฀prompts฀my฀racial-cumlinguistic ฀performance฀in฀one฀site฀depends฀upon฀an฀examination฀of฀ my฀performance฀in฀the฀other.฀This฀juxtaposition฀of฀hood฀and฀school฀ forms฀an฀analytic฀lens฀that฀Hoover฀also฀suggests฀is฀appropriate.฀“In฀ order฀ to฀ properly฀ interpret฀ Black฀ attitudes฀ toward฀ Black฀ English,”฀ she฀writes,฀“one฀has฀to฀consider...