Hidden Victims: The Effects of the Death Penalty on Families of the Accused

Chapter 10: The Death Penalty and Families, Revisited

Chapter 10 The Death Penalty and Families, Revisited The worst fear every mother has is losing her child. Every day I have lived with that threat for the past eight years. . . . This is the true torture of the death penalty. The families of persons facing the death penalty face many challenges and fears, ultimately including the death of a relative. While many family members do not have contact with the condemned relative, even those individuals are not always immune to the effects of capital punishment. One has only to recall the fears of Jason, whose brother had been executed, that others might find out and reject him. Likewise, Lisa and her sister have suffered greatly over the years despite the fact that they went for years with no contact with their condemned brother. Martha, who had made no contact with her cousin since he had murdered her aunt, agonized over whether or not she should write to him.Thus, it can be a mistake to assume that all family members who are not in contact with the person facing death are unaffected. However, most of the subjects of this book are individuals who are (or were until execution) in contact with their family members facing a death sentence. Furthermore, they are family members who were willing to talk about their experiences and who could be identified and located. So, this book has been about the experiences of what is quite likely a nonrepresentative sample. Does that mean their voices should not be heard? I do not believe that to be true. I am reminded of the parable of the boy walking along the beach and throwing one starfish back into the ocean. When it was pointed out to him that it was a useless task, that he could not save all the starfish, he responded that his efforts mattered to that starfish. Similarly, while the stories and experiences portrayed in this 162 book of family members of those facing a death penalty may not represent those of all the family members, they matter to these individuals and many more like them. They deserve to be heard. Several common themes have been running through these stories. In chapter 2, families of those facing death were compared and contrasted with families of homicide victims as well as families of other prisoners . Based on what we know about these other two groups, I argued that there were both similarities and differences in the experiences of families of those facing death and families of both victims and other prisoners . I did not interview members of the other two groups, so the conclusions that I have reached are based on comparisons of what my subjects expressed to what other researchers have reported about the others. As I anticipated, families dealing with the death penalty are both similar to and different from both of the other groups. Victims Ignored by the System Families dealing with the death penalty often compare themselves to those of homicide victims. They report experiencing a similar initial shock and trauma when they first find out their relative is being accused of a potentially capital offense. In addition to the shock, however, they often grapple with trying to understand what is happening. Alice, whose son is on death row, summarized the reaction she and her husband had, saying, “The night we got the call, we both went into shock. Capital murder, what does that mean!!” The accused’s family members are not faced with the immediate loss experienced by family members of murder victims. Instead, they are faced with a protracted grief process more similar to that faced by families of military members missing in action or families of those dying of AIDS. Pauline Boss discusses how “ambiguous loss” such as that faced by families of those facing a death sentence can lead to what she terms “frozen sadness.”1 The person experiencing this is often in a cycle of hope and despair, due to the uncertainty of the situation. The repetitive nature of this cycle is particularly destructive, in part because of its longterm nature. When a loved one is murdered, the family experiences severe trauma. It can be difficult to find meaning, and the shock of the loss coupled with the horror of how the person died can cause severe problems, The Death Penalty and Families, Revisited 163 including nightmares, suicidal thoughts, and chronic illnesses.2 In the...