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ORATION 9

ORATION 9 Apologia to his father Gregory, in the presence of Basil, when he was consecrated bishop of Sasima.1 pirit and chrism upon me again; and again I make my way bowed down and in mourning.2 You are, perhaps, surprised. Isaiah himself, before seeing the glory of God and the high and exalted throne with the Seraphim around it, does not speak this way nor is he affected by either fear or despair. On the contrary, he rages against Israel while exempting himself and denying his complicity. But when he saw these marvels and heard the holy and mystical voice, then, as if with a greater awareness of his own involvement , he says, Woe is me, for I am lost3 —I avoid the blasphemy of his subsequent remarks. I also adduce one of the judges of old, the famous Manoah, and, later, Peter, the pillar of the Church, the one declaring Woman, we are undone; we have seen God,4 after he had experienced a vision that transcended his human capacity , while the other was unable to endure the presence and power that the Savior had revealed to him and his companions while they were fishing. Although the experience filled him with wonder, he nevertheless besought Christ to leave the boat, claiming himself unworthy of divine visitation and company.5 2. And whenever I hear the Gospel story of the centurion who, though he asked for the power, yet declined the actual presence because his roof could not contain the divine dignity and grandeur,6 I cannot fault my own reluctance and melan1 . PG 35.820A–25D. Written on the occasion of Gregory’s consecration as bishop of Sasima in 372. 2. Ps 35.14 (LXX 34.14). 3. Is 6.5. 4. Jgs 13.22. 5. Lk 5.8. 6. Lk 7.3–6; cf. Mt 8.5–8. 21 choly. For just as the sun testifies to the weakness of the eye, God by his presence testifies to the infirmity of the soul. To some he is light; to others fire, depending on our own individual make-up and character. How are we to understand the example of Saul? He was anointed, received the Spirit, and was thereupon undeniably spiritual, in my opinion. Indeed, he even became a prophet, and so surpassed any reasonable expectation that that miracle in fact gave rise to the proverb that is still repeated to this very day, Is Saul also among the prophets?7 But inasmuch as he did not surrender himself fully to the Spirit he was also not changed purely into another man,8 as had been foretold , but retained something of the old spark of wickedness and of the evil seed and was subject to a conflict between spirit and flesh. Why should I give a tragic recital of all the calamities that befell him? You know the story of the evil spirit and the singer who charmed him.9 His experience, then, provides further proof that, even if grace does not affect the unworthy or for that matter any instrument that is completely worthless and fit for nothing—for I personally believe that wisdom is correctly said not to enter a deceitful soul10 —still, I say, owing to the manifold inconstancies of human nature and habit, maintaining one’s worthiness and moral fitness is just as difficult as the possession of these qualities in the first place. Consequently, even grace itself, to mention the strangest and worst of our own misfortunes, by implanting delusion and false hopes, frequently creates a distance between God and those who have not come to him in the right spirit, and we are cast down when we were lifted up,11 that sin might be shown to be sin, working death in me through what is good.12 3. It is the dread of this misfortune that has filled me with anguish and depression. My experience is somewhat akin to what children feel when they see lightning—a mixture of terror and delight: I have come at the same time to love and to fear the Spirit. I needed time to collect my thoughts and compose myself , to regain my strength and self-confidence, in order that, once what troubled me fell away, like tares in the sowing, and 22 ST. GREGORY OF NAZIANZUS 7. 1 Sm 10.12. 8. 1 Sm 10.6. 9. 1 Sm 16.14–23. 10. Wis 1.4. 11...