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11. Life in the Big Ghetto The displacement to the big ghetto started a new life and new troubles for us. The Germans had taken us from the small ghetto without even a shirt. Even though life was miserable, one still needed a bed, a shirt, and socks, a pan to cook with. We had to go to our friends, to borrow from anyone who had a little extra . We had left our house in the little ghetto with only what we had on, and now had to go to our friends and beg. A lot ofpeople didn't have to be asked. They knew and came offering help. But there were also people, even friends and relations, who, when we came asking for something, didn't want anything to do with us. The situation ofthose who came from the small ghetto was very difficult, and the sanitary conditions were deplorable. My uncle and aunt were sleeping on a bunk bed in a little placethat looked like a chicken coop outback ofthe house. Ithad a small kitchen where I slept on two chairs. I had no place to stretch out my feet, so I would put them on the window sill. The kitchen was only as big as a yawn. We didn't have any blankets with which to cover ourselves. The situation became more depressing. Before, when we were in the little ghetto, we thought the war wasn't going to last long, but here we lost hope. We had the feeling that nobody would be left alive. Day in, day out, I went to work at the airfield. All the men in the ghetto were sent to work. I couldn't wait to get back home at night. There I would find the joshnik cooking. It was a soup made ofstinking horsemeat, already halfrotten. That ration of horsemeat was supposed to last a week, but with three people 64 The Shadow of Death like us it lasted for two meals. The meatballs my aunt would make from the horsemeat could be smelled a mile away, but we ate them with quite an appetite. We were so hungry it tasted as good as chicken meat. When I finished eating, I would still be hungry, so I would go to my Aunt Golda's. Whenever I came to her house she would give me somethingto eat, and I would make sure thatI came when they were eating. As soon as I came in she would ask me, "What do you want first, the soup or the meatballs ?" "Give me both at once," I would answer. If there was still time I would go visit my third aunt, too. I never used to be a big eater, and my mother would run after me trying to get me to eat, but now all the time I was hungry. No matter how much I ate, I never had enough. My appetite was terrific. I was growing at that time and I needed more food. My only happiness was when my belly was bloated. When I had had enough I would startback home, well-filled and breathing heavily , like a goose. When I came in, Aunt Ettel would ask me, "Did you make the rounds already?" "Yes." "Did they give you something to eat?" "Yes." I would get ready for bed and in no time I would fall asleep. I would dream all kinds of dreams, and I would think that my uncle was waking me because I was yelling, but he was waking me because it was time to go to work. I felt so unwilling to go to work; I wished the Germans were as willing to fight as I was to go to work. If so, they wouldn't have started the war. I would have to pull my legs offthe window sill. It didn't feel as ifI had any legs left, and I would think I was paralyzed. Then I would start with the yawning and fall back to sleep until my uncle called, "Hershke, get up! You'll be late!" I had to jump up, wash myselfin cold water, dress quickly, and say goodby as I ran out of the house. I was always the last one to arrive at the place where the people stood waiting to go to work. It looked like everyone had been waitingfor me. As soon as I gotin line, they would start marching out ofthe ghetto. I would be wishing we...

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