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Chapter 4 AConversation "You'veGot to Open the Door" Beforeturning to the gospel program, we must quickly reground our discussion in the broader poetics of faith. Earlier I suggested that the language of experience serves as the primary medium for articulating belief. Every time saints say that they "wouldn't have a religion that they couldn't feelsometimes;' they reaffirm this primacy. But this voicedemphasis on experience in no way suggests that faith hinges on feeling. As saints are quick to point out, feeling is not always there. Transcendence touches according to the will of the Spirit rather than the choice of believers. When the touch isn't felt, belief remains. And sustains. Just as belief usually precedes the first experience of transcendence, so does it continue to inform understanding and frame reality when that experience lives only in memory and expectation. * * * * * In presenting saints' thoughts about belief and experience, I should first say a word about saints' talk. When discussing faith, many saints speak with a structured eloquence that sets their words quite apart from the flow of everyday exchange . Slowly,in the course of conversation, their remarks take on an increasingly poetic character, their words arranging themselves in artful phrases punctuated by dramatic pauses. These phrases, in turn, come together in passages that flow with rhetorical repetitions and poetic parallels. And these passages often take a subtle step toward melody, riding patterns of rising and falling tone that lend the talk a gentle, rolling lilt. To some, this may sound like a description of elegant preaching. It should, for the patterns of structure and sound are quite similar. But this talk is not preaching; nor are its purveyors all preachers. Instead, this is the talk of everyday saints, who ease into eloquence when engaging the topic of faith. The key to such talk's emergence, say the saints, is simple engagement. As one saint puts it, "The more you get into talking about the Word, the more the words just flow." I attempt to convey a measure of this "flow" by transcribing my consultants' words in lines rather than block paragraphs. In so doing, I hope to entice the eye much as these words enticed the ear, thus encouraging readers to join in the talk's imaginative reconstruction. The speaker's pauses craft the lines. Parallel structures and shifting tones, in turn, shape the indentation. And the very presence of lines suggests the flow.When talk tumbles forth in a less marked manner, following the familiar cadences of conversation, I let the natural pauses of thought and emphasis decide the edges of sentence and paragraph. 1 * * * * * I had been attending Bishop FrizelleYelverton'schurch for many months before asking him if we could talk about some of the issues that confused me. The bishop is known throughout the Carolinas as a man gifted with deep spiritual insight. As the longtime pastor of Durham's Mount Calvary Holy Church, he has nurtured the growth of many preachers from his congregation, perhaps the most notable of whom is holiness pastor and celebrated "Queen of Gospel" Shirley Caesar. On the Sunday before our conversation, in the midst of a Spirit-filled, three-hour service, Bishop Yelverton had called me to stand before the congregation and declare the state of my soul. Though I had often spoken at services and had freelyjoined in the singing and praising, this focused call unnerved me. At that point, I had only witnessed the movement of the Spirit; I was one of those whom saints described as "knowing of the Lord" but not yet "knowing Him:' Caught in the bishop's penetrating gaze, I fumbled for words, all the while realizing that a long journey still lay ahead. Three days later, with my faltering remarks still echoing in my mind, I sat myself across from the bishop on his living-room couch. In our first hour of conversation, I asked most of the questions. We talked about the Spirit's role in preaching, about the different degrees of anointing, about growth in the Spirit. Then the bishop began questioning me, asking about my writing and my commitment to God. The anxiousness and uncertainty that I felt in church swept over me anew. I'll admit that I dodged a bit, all the while wondering if my active participation in services had in fact been an act of misrepresentation. Then I explained that I believed I was being called to some end, but as yet did not yet...

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