Belmour: A Modern Edition

Chapter 23

✦ 183 ✦ “have wished once to have thanked my Emily for this unexpected favour; but she will have it otherwise, and the future care of my life shall be, since I cannot contribute to her happiness , at least not to disturb that peace of mind, which she so justly values.” Chapter 23 belmour’s recovery was slow; an extreme languor succeeded the violence of his disorder, which still did not leave the physician without serious apprehensions for him, though not such as threatened immediate danger to his life.—On Dr. Seward’s proposing to him, to remove to the country for change of air, Belmour communicated to his friendly physician his intention of going abroad, the moment his strength would allow him to undertake a journey.—This the doctor highly approved, saying , that a few months of the approaching winter spent in a better climate, would be of infinite service to his health; “and then,” continued he, “in the spring you may visit your own beautiful castle, for I know not a more salubrious air, and as to the place it has ever appeared to me a perfect terrestrial paradise!—How my good old lord used to enjoy it!—Well, he surely deserved blessings by his own enjoyment of them, and by his desire to dispense them to all around him. I have heard him called proud—and proud he was; but his pride led him always to support, with real honour, the high station in which he was placed, and to treat all those subordinate to him with benevolence.—Had all our noblemen such pride, the world would go better than it does with us!—But as I was saying, my lord, the winter months abroad, and the spring and summer ✦ 184 ✦ at Belmour Castle—and I will answer for your health—but you must not travel alone.” Belmour shook his head.—“Indeed, but I must travel alone,” said he, “I am unfit for society, and shall be long so.” Seeing that the doctor was going to argue the point with him, he stopped him, saying, “let us not, my good friend, dispute on that subject.—I thank you for your kind intentions, but I am determined, and for reasons I wish not to explain, I must also entreat your secrecy.—Owing to your attentive care, having judged it necessary, I have seen no creature, nor, I believe, has my illness been much known of, or even my being in town. I mean to take advantage of this circumstance, and set out quietly the very first moment I am able.—The procuring letters of credit from my banker, and some other necessary preparations , I shall entrust to your friendly care.” Dr. Seward was a man of sense and penetration; from the determined manner, therefore, in which Belmour had spoken, and other circumstances which he had observed, during the course of his attendance on him, he judged it by no means advisable , to attempt any further opposition to his intentions.— Change of climate he had himself intended to propose, and as to the mode, although he had regretted Belmour’s expressions on the subject, as he thought they proceeded from some temporary impulse, he paid less attention to them, and considered only what to him appeared most necessary for the immediate benefit of his health. Belmour, aware of his situation, no longer attempted to combat feelings he could no longer wish to conquer, but endeavoured only to exert the powers of his mind, to oppose the more baneful effects of despondency.—He felt an indifference , and even disgust for everything, that had not an immediate reference to the object of his passion; and considered total change of scene, and variety of objects, as the only means, by which he might, in time, at least, hope to acquire that compo- ✦ 185 ✦ sure of mind, which belongs even to the unhappy, when not labouring under the pressure of self-reproach.—“The hope of being of use to my country has hitherto, from circumstances, been denied me,” said he to himself, “nor could I now attend to politics, were I united with the characters I most admire!— Belmour Castle, the delight of my early youth, is become insupportable to me!—too strongly is my mind now impressed with the idea of all it might have been to me!—What then remains ? or whither shall I go?—Oh! Harcourt!” he mournfully exclaimed, “my...