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Watching Dad Filet a Bass
- Southern Illinois University Press
- Chapter
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WatchingDadFiletaBass ThefirsttimeIsawhimdoitIbecameabeliever, Ithoughthe’dmissedhiscalling.Hecouldhavebeen apriestperformingthesacrament,hismovements weresodeliberate,sopurposeful,likearitual. Firstaquicksurecuttotheheadabovetheeye butbackabit,aboutwheretheforeheadwouldbe ifthere’dbeenaforehead,theneverything—theredgills flashingliketinyrhythmicfans,themethodically gulpingjaws,thewetflatslapofthedelicatetail— everythingstoppedasthespinyfinsfoldedquietlyin. Thenhestucktheknifeinbeneaththechin orwhereachinshouldbe,makingaquick sureslicedowntheopalescentbellyshimmering likeasequinedgown.Theroe,entrailsspilledout inawell-packed,orderlyfashionasmymother’swords rosestrangelyinsideme,aplaceforeverything, everythinginitsplace.Eventhedisembowelingwasimpressive. Theknifepaused,hanginginmidair,andIthoughtoftheway thelidrollsbackonasardinecanashepeeledtheflesh fromtheskinforaneatbonelessfilet,thecreamywhitemeat packedintidyrows—organized—almostintelligent. Hewipedthefilletknifedelicately,testingitsedge withhisthumbthewayabarbermightcheckhisstraightrazor beforeashave.Ishuddered,andhemusthavemisunderstood: Iliketothinktheirsystem’stooprimitivetofeelathing, hesaid.Butthecatfisharetheworst.Theycrylikebabies whenyoupullthemfromthewater...Imostlythrowthemback. Hedidn’tsee—itwasn’tthebloodorthedetached,coolway hehandledhistools,orevendeaththattransfixedme. Isawhimrevealed,alteredbynecessity.Isawtheway needshapesus,howitbringstogetherfleshandsteel withhardlyaslip. ...