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 Watching฀Dad฀Filet฀a฀Bass The฀first฀time฀I฀saw฀him฀do฀it฀I฀became฀a฀believer, I฀thought฀he’d฀missed฀his฀calling.฀He฀could฀have฀been a฀priest฀performing฀the฀sacrament,฀his฀movements were฀so฀deliberate,฀so฀purposeful,฀like฀a฀ritual. First฀a฀quick฀sure฀cut฀to฀the฀head฀above฀the฀eye but฀back฀a฀bit,฀about฀where฀the฀forehead฀would฀be if฀there’d฀been฀a฀forehead,฀then฀everything—the฀red฀gills flashing฀like฀tiny฀rhythmic฀fans,฀the฀methodically gulping฀jaws,฀the฀wet฀flat฀slap฀of฀the฀delicate฀tail— everything฀stopped฀as฀the฀spiny฀fins฀folded฀quietly฀in. Then฀he฀stuck฀the฀knife฀in฀beneath฀the฀chin or฀where฀a฀chin฀should฀be,฀making฀a฀quick sure฀slice฀down฀the฀opalescent฀belly฀shimmering like฀a฀sequined฀gown.฀The฀roe,฀entrails฀spilled฀out in฀a฀well-packed,฀orderly฀fashion฀as฀my฀mother’s฀words rose฀strangely฀inside฀me,฀a฀place฀for฀everything, everything฀in฀its฀place.฀Even฀the฀disemboweling฀was฀impressive. The฀knife฀paused,฀hanging฀in฀midair,฀and฀I฀thought฀of฀the฀way the฀lid฀rolls฀back฀on฀a฀sardine฀can฀as฀he฀peeled฀the฀flesh from฀the฀skin฀for฀a฀neat฀boneless฀filet,฀the฀creamy฀white฀meat packed฀in฀tidy฀rows—organized—almost฀intelligent. He฀wiped฀the฀fillet฀knife฀delicately,฀testing฀its฀edge with฀his฀thumb฀the฀way฀a฀barber฀might฀check฀his฀straight฀razor before฀a฀shave.฀I฀shuddered,฀and฀he฀must฀have฀misunderstood:  I฀like฀to฀think฀their฀system’s฀too฀primitive฀to฀feel฀a฀thing, he฀said.฀But฀the฀catfish฀are฀the฀worst.฀They฀cry฀like฀babies when฀you฀pull฀them฀from฀the฀water฀.฀.฀.฀I฀mostly฀throw฀them฀back. He฀didn’t฀see—it฀wasn’t฀the฀blood฀or฀the฀detached,฀cool฀way he฀handled฀his฀tools,฀or฀even฀death฀that฀transfixed฀me. I฀saw฀him฀revealed,฀altered฀by฀necessity.฀I฀saw฀the฀way need฀shapes฀us,฀how฀it฀brings฀together฀flesh฀and฀steel with฀hardly฀a฀slip. ...

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