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Aubade with Memory Crystallized into a Figure of a Dancer
- Southern Illinois University Press
- Chapter
- Additional Information
54 AubadewithMemoryCrystallizedintoaFigureofaDancer Thatnightwasspentsearchingforaformoffire...thestreet lightsspilledoffyourface—thecorneroftheroom fullyfloodedwithsapphire,astickyflame.Earlier, wehadfoundapicturebookyoukeptwhenyouwereyoung andyouwonderedaloud,“Whowasthatvoice?” Shehadwantedtobeadancer—shehadwantedtobethemoon. Suchanawkwardgrace,tobethemoon.Sky-bald, abandoned.Zeroandsleeplessitachesandiscold. Itisfarfromfire,yetyoucraveitasthoughtherage ofsizzlinginsects,ifloudenough,couldspurthesun. Howdoyoufathomitthen?Childhoodsingledout.Ageless inyourpirouettesaboutthesky,gravity-lessandwounded. Andwhowouldshekiss,Iask,andwhowouldsheache orgrieve?Andareyoustillsosmallandflickeringorisitthewindow whomakesthismistake?Isitthebody’sbattementandballonthat vaultsyou intothepast,beyondsleep?Wecouldnotfindyourtoe-shoes amongthechildhoodthingsyouhid,thoughwekeptourselvesawake untildawn,searchingbecauseyouhadwantedthem andtheyhadpossessedyou.Theywerejustshoesbuttoyou asnareinthemomentiseverything.Nothingwouldconvinceyou otherwise.Notthehourorthewaythehourbeggedyoutostop. Thoughthismomentmakesyouthatcelestialbody, 55 youcannotbethatdancer,crystallizedintotheazurebody ofthatsphere’sdeepestcrevasse.Thoughtherewererivers onthatsatelliteonce,thearchofyourfootbuckles undertheweightofyourmemory.Theangelsofthepast cannotbeawakenedthroughtheturningsofasimplepicturebook orthephysicalgleaningsofthebodyrecallingamoment whenitwasairborne.Despiteeveryapertureoftheevening turnedtomorning,thisfigureofyouthatyou’vememorized— grandebattement—woulditrecognizeitself,flying,perhaps,or earthbound? Evenindaylightwouldshelaugh?Wouldsheflare? ...