Mrs. Abraham Lincoln: A Study of Her Personality and Her Influence on Lincoln

2. Childhood

CHAPTER TWO Childhood Train up a clviU in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. - PROVERBS xxii, 6 A mother once asked a clergyman when she should begin the education of her C/,ild, which she told him was then four years old. The reply was, " Madam, Y0t(, have lost three years already." -WHATELY INCIDENTS AFFECTING MRS. LINCOLN r806 to r826 1806 June 12, Thomas Lincoln married Nancy Hanks. 1807 February 10, Sarah Lincoln born. r808 Thomas Lincoln and family moved from Elizabethtown to near Hodgenville, Kentucky. r809 February 12, Abraham Lincoln born. 18 I 2 November 26, Robert S. Todd married Eliza Parker, Lexington, Kentucky. Robert S. Todd in the War of 1812. r8I3 Nove'mber, Elizabeth P. Todd (Mrs. N. W. Edwards ) born, Lexington, Kentucky. 1815 Frances Todd (Mrs. William Wallace) born. 18 16 Thomas Lincoln and family, including Abraham, moved from Kentucky to Indiana. 1817 June 25, Levi O. Todd born. 1818 October 5, Nancy Hanks Lincoln died. December 13, Mary Todd (Mrs. Abraham Lincoln) born. 1819 December 2, Thomas Lincoln married Sarah Bush Johnson. 1820 Robert Parker Todd born. 1824 Ann Todd (Mrs. C. M. Smith) born. 1825 July 4, George Rogers Clark Todd born. july 5, Eliza Parker Todd died. Lafayette, in America, visited Lexington i was visited by Porters in Pennsylvania, and Todds in Lexington. CHAPTER TWO M· Childhood T HERE IS NO DIRECT INFORMATION ABOUT MARY TODD'S life or her personality during the lifetime of her mother. There are the bare dates of births and deaths, and that is all. Neither Emilie Todd Helm nor her daughter gives any data other than these. William H. Townsend has found a single item, relating to the deaths of Eliza Parker Todd and her infant son, Robert P. Todd. Such opinions as can be formed of the life of the child Mary Todd prior to 1826 are based on the few facts that we know of Robert S. Todd and his household and the very little that is known of his wife Eliza. The remainder is conclusion based on inference. Mary Todd was born in Lexington, Kentucky, December 13, 18 I 8, the third daughter and the fourth child of her parents. Her eldest sister was five years old; her next, three j her brother, a year and a half, when Mary was added to the family circle.1 Two years later a son was born, but he died when less than two years old. When Mary was in her sixth year, another sister joined the flock of young children. On July 4, 1825 still another son was born, and on the next day the mother, Eliza Parker Todd, died. I After this was written, I visited the cemetery at Springfield, and read the inscriptions on the tombstones of Mrs. Lincoln's sisters. These indicate that Mrs. Wallace was born only twenty-one months before Mrs. Lincoln. If this is correct, Levi O. could have been the next child following Mary, and not her immediate predecessor. This is in accordance with the entry in the Levi O. Todd family Bible owned by Mrs. Edward D. Keys. THE TODD HOUSEHOLD At Mrs. Todd's death the ages of her living children were, approximately, 11 years, IO years, 8 years, 60 years, I~ years, and I day. Mary was the 6~-year-old. The homes of well-to-do Kentuckians of that day were plentifully supplied with efficient servants. Such was the Todd home. With five childl~en, the eldest only eleven years old, Mrs. Todd could not have managed had there been any lack of trustworthy helpers. When Mary came, there were already three small children, the eldest hot old enough to dress herself. During the first seven years of life a child is egocentric ~ an individualist. Starting with a world in which there is but one person - and that person himself, with supreme rights - he slowly learns. The experiences of the day gradually teach him that there are others in the world, and that they have rights to be considered. In this Todd household there were six babies or children of tender age, each being gradually and slowly edu<::ated out of selfish individuality and learning to become socially minded. Mary, doubtless, was the beneficiary of her mother's placid, sunny disposition, even though she did not inherit it. That influence may have thrown a long ray down her life and assisted her to restrain herself at times when she was sorely tempted to yield to emotional storm. It may have helped her to maintain the calm and poise which became the major objective of her life in the period between 1876 and 1882. On the other hand, the influence of her" impetuous , high-strung, sensitive" father probably pulled her in the opposite direction during times of stress and strain. The impressions made on the soul of a young child by the conduct of the parents are lasting, and persist through~ out life. In these early years Mary was in the home school. She learned from her parents. She learned even more from her Negro mammy and the other household servants. But 66 THE TODD HOUSEHOLD she was indebted most of all to Elizabeth, Frances, Levi, and Ann. Doubtless the children of this Parker-Todd family visited their cousins, as well as the children of neighbors. vYhen children are so young, however, visits are infrequent and contacts are casual. When Mary met the children of other homes, she told them about her own family and her own home. She played with them, but the games had a solo quality. Children of this age play individualistically, even though they are in a group. No child and no adult outside the family group had any particular influence on her. We except from this statement Grandmother Parker and, possibly , Aunt Eliza Todd Carr. Next followed a little more than a year of a motherless home presided over by the aunt, Mrs. Charles M. Carr, the father's sister. Robert S. Todd's marriage to ElizaQeth Humphreys took place when Mary was practically eight years old. The eighth year is a very important one in the socialization of a child. Mary passed through it without a mother's help. VYhat we know of Elizabeth (Mrs. N. W. Edwards) leads us to think that she must have been the best teacher Mary had in this year and for several years thereafter. A saying that is frequently heard in religious circles is: " Give me a child until he is seven and you may have him thereafter." The general interpretation of this is that unless a child is well grounded morally and ethically in childhood, it will be difficult to hold him to good morals, ethics, or religion in later life. Mary Todd's mother was living during the first six and a half years of Mary's childhood. We have no knowledge of Eliza Parker Todd's character that would throw any light upon her ability or disposition to train her large family of children in morals, ethics, and religion. We may assume that she was a good woman, and even that she went to church as regularly as her domestic duties would allow; and that she sent the children to Sunday school when they 67 ETHICAL TRAINING ----... ~ ...... ~-~-~~ ..... ~------..".~.~-~.~---------- --- .... ..... -reached the proper age. But whether she was of a type that undertook definite moral and ethical training of her children we do not know. It is reasonably certain that Mary Todd was taught the Ten Commandments and was made to understand the meaning of about four of them. The Sunday school would have attended to that had the mother failed to find time. There are four Commandments that deal with the principles of organized religion. These the Todd children were taught to repeat, but practically all they understood about them was that they were not to use bad language, they were to go to church and Sunday school, and they were to deport themselves sedately on the Sabbath day. Two deal with the establishment of a family and some rules therefor. The Todd children learned these, but they did not understand them. Three relate to the security of property and life. Not only were the Todd children taught these by rote, but their connotations were explained and emphasized. These were made to register. One prohibit.s murder, and a second interdicts stealing. A third relates to lying, or dishonesty on another level. Stealing and lying have to do with fairness between individuals. These two are fundamental social laws, as is that relating to security of life. Children in well-ordered homes learn these Commandments both in form and in principle; and Sunday schools are of great service in teaching them. The Tenth Commandment opens up an entirely different field. It is built around covetousness, a development of wishful thinking plus something else. This Commandment leads into the field of envy, jealousy, and the various emotional reactions which develop in " those who have not" and who are in contact with "those who have." It brings mental hygiene and immediate personal qualities, as distinguished from social and religious, into the purview of religion and ethics. All children of that day learned the Tenth Com68 THE TEN COMMANDMENTS mandment, but none of them understood its meaning or had any thought of its connotations. Mary Todd unquestionably knew the Ten Commandw ments when she acquired a stepmother. Her life indicates that the principles of nine of them had been taught her directly, and indirectly by epigram, precept, and example. She may not have leaned on religion in her time of trial as much as she should have done for her own good. But never until after I 865 did she fail in her church attendance and affiliations. Her life also indicates that she not only learned, but took to heart those two Commandments which deal with the family. She was always and ever a family woman. As a young girl that was the aim of her planning. As a wife and mother she was faithful. When her son Robert married, she was most cordial to his wife, writing her many letters and putting in them such pleas for domesticity as this: 1 " Mrs. R. said housekeeping and babies were an uncomfortable state of existence for a young married lady. I think her experifnce was different from most mothers who consider that in the outset in life a nice home, a loving husband, and a precious child are the happiest stages of life." The exception to all of this is the Tenth Commandment. Probably she learned the words but not the meaning. It is quite likely that her mother, her Sunday school teacher, and even her preacher did not fully comprehend this Commandment . How, then, could Mary learn it? To the fact that Mary never understood the significance of the Tenth Comw mandment and never built conformity to it into her personality was due some of the trouble which came to her in later years, particularly between 1842 and 1865. Julia Taft Bayne, who, as a sixteen-year-old girl, saw much of the Lincoln family in 186I and the early part of 1862, wrote of the household: 2 "If there was any motto 1 Bibliography, No. 73, p. 282. 2 Bibliography, No. I7, p. 107. 69 IMMEDIACY or slogan of the White House during the early days of the Lincolns' occupancy it was this: 'Let the children have a good time.' " She heard Mrs. Lincoln say this on many occasions . It typified her notion of the way to bring up children: that is, let them grow up naturally with the least possible amount of restraint, instruction, or guidance; and with the greatest possible liberty to enjoy life in their own way. Mr. Lincoln followed the same policy and took much pleasure in doing so. Mrs. Bayne cites many illustrations of the educational and training influence of Willie, the elder, on Tad, the younger; but she says little of what the mother did in this respect. She remarks: 1 "They [the children] were never accustomed to restraint." This testimony is confirmed by others who were close to the family in either Springfield or Washington. In the absence of better light on the subject we surmise that Mary Todd the child was reared much as were her own children, Willie and Tad. Mrs. Bayne observes: 2 " Mrs. Lincoln wanted what she wanted when she wanted it." This quality goes by the name of" immediacy." It is an infantile quality. It is most eas,i,ly recognized in babies, but sometimes carries over into adult life. When it does, it constitutes a flaw in the personality. In Mrs. Lincoln the defect was one of the points at which her personality fractured. The tendency for infantile characteristics to persist at older age periods is quite marked in particular types of mental abnormality. It is especially prominent in feeble-mindedness , and also in the adolescent-minded. It is an outstanding feature of certain insanities. It is also present in special types of adult mind; and in these, in proper circumstances, improves the quality of the mind. Comparative success in doing specific things is sometimes achieved by people because they have this peculiarity. C. R. Stockard 3 is of the opinion that a prolonged infantilism is partly responsible for the superiority of man over 1 Bibliography, No. I7, p. 8. 2 Ibid., p. 49. 3 Bibliography, No. 166. 70 IMPATIENCE UNDER RESTRAINT the lower animals. Thus a persisting infantilism has certain advantages. For the average situation, however, the Biblical saying: H When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things" 1 represents the normaL The probability is that Mary Todd inherited this attribute of immediacy, because we find it in some of her full brothers and sisters. But a proper training might have overcome it. This training is usually supplied by association in the family with several older children. In Mary Todd's family there were three such, but - wherever the fault lay - she was not cured. There is every reason for thinking that Mary Todd as a young child was impatient under restraint. Mrs. Bayne and scores of other witnesses say Tad was, and he inherited it from his mother. " When Tad came in and saw me he threw himself down in the midst of the ladies and kicked and screamed and had to be taken out by the servants." 2 The foundation for this characteristic begins in the first few days of life. If the nurse pinions the arms of a newly born baby or holds his legs, the restraint is resented, and the resentment is shown by screaming, a red face, and other manifestations. If the quality persists in a somewhat older child, it shows itself as temper tantrums. If years of adolescence have been reached, it appears as hysteria, and often as major hysteria. In Mrs. Lincoln it took the form of excessive mourning and convulsions of grief j and, in the earlier years of her married life, of unreasonable outbursts of anger. These we read of at Springfield and on a few occasions in the White House, but never with the same violence after that. It is a pretty good guess that Mary Todd as a child was subject to temper tantrums, and she may have had nightterrors . The children who are fortunate in having brothers and sisters may be cured of these traits through the 1 I Corinthians xiii, II. 2 Bibliography, No. 17, p. 101. 71 MARY TODD'S TRAINING IN CHILDHOOD education administered in the nursery and home by those' most valuable childhood educators. Mrs. Lincoln's success in controlling her temper during the last half of her adult life shows what little more of educational training in her childhood would have sufficed for the control of this weakness. The relation between the urge that most children feel to collect things, and a certain outstanding peculiarity developed by Mrs. Lincoln in later life, will be given some attention elsewhere. Since we have no information from anyone - not even from the Helms -' as to Mary Todd's disposition in her first eight years, we can be guided only by her disposition in later years, and by the inference that her youth was somewhat akin to that of her children. All adult qualities have their roots in childhood years, certain of them more than others. We can be reasonably sure that Mary Todd, with her inherited introvert personality and her drive and force, was much in need of training suited to such a personality, especially in the first eight years. She needed to learn restraint, patience, passivity, and relaxation. Above all, she needed to learn the Tenth Commandment in all its connotations. What we know of her adult life indicates that as a young child she did not receive the training her nature required. ...