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4. Mrs. Widow Lincoln
- Southern Illinois University Press
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115 c h a p t e r f o u r Mrs. Widow Lincoln Sister in Grief Arguably, the two most famous widows in the world during the nineteenth century were Mary Lincoln and Queen Victoria . Dubbed the “eternal widow of Windsor,” Queen Victoria lost her Prince Consort in 1861, grieved in private for the next twenty years, and in all spent forty years ruling Great Britain in widow’s weeds—the black of full mourning or at least half-mourning’s violet and white. When President Lincoln died three and a half years later, Victoria wrote to his widow, Mary, that “No one can better appreciate than I can, who am myself utterly broken-hearted by the loss of my own beloved husband, who was the light of my life, my stay, my all, what your sufferings must be; and I earnestly pray that you may be supported by Him to Whom alone the sorely stricken can look for comfort, in this hour of heavy affliction!” Victoria may have been right that, given the two widows’ situations as British queen and American First Lady, she alone could understand Mary Lincoln’s plight. Mary Lincoln agreed fully. Her two-sentence reply thanked the queen for her “expressions of tender sympathy, coming as they do, from a heart which from its own sorrow, can appreciate the intense grief I now endure.” This simple exchange of letters gains poignancy when considered in the broader context of the two women’s widowhood. Prince Albert had endured failing health for years, possibly suffering a peptic ulcer, Crohn’s disease, or even stomach cancer. Albert’s exhaustion attending to 116 | mrs. widow lincoln affairs of state in place of Victoria was heightened considerably by the outbreak of the American Civil War and particularly the Trent Affair that propelled the two nations perilously close to the brink of war. Throughout the Civil War, the British feared that any confrontation with the United States might lead to the loss of Canada. Speaking for Victoria, Albert strenuously counseled moderation to avert war with America. The memorandum that he wrote in his successful attempt to remain at peace with the Americans comprised his last official act, but the effort so exhausted him that he succumbed to typhoid fever and died in December 1861. The American Civil War did not cost Albert his life, but it may well have hastened his decline. Now Victoria had to assume many of the weighty responsibilities that had led, indirectly, to her husband’s death. Diplomatic tensions continued between the United States and Britain throughout the war. After Abraham Lincoln’s assassination, Victoria’s ministers advised her to send a letter of condolence to Mary Lincoln as a diplomatic gesture. They expected it to receive wide publicity and help heal the two countries’ frosty relationship. In fact, in her grief, Mary Lincoln did not publicize the queen’s letter at all and answered it in a mere two sentences. The British may not have fully understood that as a former First Lady, Mary Lincoln did not exercise any influence over the U.S. government, as the queen, of course, now did in her own widowhood. This was, in fact, the central distinction between the two widows. Victoria gained power, however reluctantly, when her husband Albert died. Mary Lincoln lost whatever power she might have possessed when her husband Abraham died. Victoria bemoaned the new responsibilities that fell upon her with Albert’s death. Mary Lincoln bemoaned the profound neglect and indeed ridicule that she experienced at the hands of both the government and the American public once she left the White House. Perhaps most important in the fleeting exchange between the two widows is the example of grief that Victoria set as a model for Mary Lincoln to emulate. Although the two women never met, in 1869 they came close to it when Mary Lincoln visited Scotland. Reaching Balmoral Castle, Mary discovered that “the Queen was absent,” but in a letter home she reported that “I have every assurance, that as [18.206.76.160] Project MUSE (2024-03-29 07:11 GMT) mrs. widow lincoln | 117 sisters in grief a warm welcome would be given me—wherever she is—yet I prefer quiet.” In fact, Mary Lincoln assiduously followed the example of mourning that Queen Victoria had set before her. She began her sisterhood in grief as soon as Prince Albert died. Holding her lavish first reception at the White House in...