Elizabeth Stuart Phelps: Selected Tales, Essays, and Poems

A Woman’s Pulpit

39 A Woman’s Pulpit I fell to regretting to-day, for the first time in my life, that I am an old maid; for this reason: I have a very serious, long, religious story to tell, and a brisk matrimonial quarrel would have been such a vivacious, succinct , and secular means of introducing it. But when I said, one day last winter, “I want some change,” it was only Mädchen who suggested, “Wait for specie payment.”¹ And when I said, for I felt sentimental, and it was Sunday too,“I will offer myself as a missionary in Boston,” I received no more discouraging reply than, “I think I see you! You’d walk in and ask if anything could be done for their souls to-day? And if they said No, you’d turn around and come out!” And when I urged,“The country heathen requires less courage; I will offer myself in New Vealshire,”² I was met by no louder lion than the insinuation, “Perhaps I meant to turn Universalist, then?”³ “Mädchen!” said I, “you know better!” “Yes,” said Mädchen. “And you know I could preach as well as anybody!” “Yes,” said Mädchen. “Well!” said I. “Well!” said Mädchen. So that was all that was said about it. For Mädchen is a woman and minds her own business. It should be borne in mind, that I am a woman “myself, Mr. Copperfull ,” and that the following correspondence, now for the first time given to the public, was accordingly finished and filed, before Mädchen ever saw or thought of it.4 This statement is not at all to the point of my purpose, further than that it may have, as I suppose, some near or remote bearings upon the 40 Tales business abilities—by which, as nearly as I can make out, is meant the power of holding one’s tongue—of the coming woman, and that I am under stress of oath never to allow an opportunity to escape me, of strewing my garments in the way of her distant, royal feet. “To be sparing,”as has been said,“of prefatory, that is to say, of condemnatory remarking,”I append at once an accurate vellum copy of the valuable correspondence in question.5 Hercules, February 28, 18–. Secretary of the New Vealshire home Missionary Society: Reverend and dear Sir,—I am desirous of occupying one of your vacant posts of ministerial service: place and time entirely at your disposal. I am not a college graduate, nor have I yet applied for license to preach. I am, however, I believe, the possessor of a fair education, and of some slight experience in usefulness of a kind akin to that which I seek under your auspices, as well as of an interest in the neglected portions of New England, which ought to warrant me success in an attempt to serve their religious welfare. For confirmation of these statements I will refer you, if you like, to the Rev. Dr. Dagon of Dagonsville, and to Professor Tacitus of Sparta.6 An answer at your earliest convenience, informing me if you are disposed to accept my services, and giving me details of terms and times, will oblige, Yours respectfully, J. W. Bangs. Harmony, N.V., March 5, 18–. J. W. Bangs, Esq.: My dear Sir,—Your lack of collegiate education is an objection to your filling one of our stations, but not an insurmountable one. I like your letter, and am inclined to think favorably of the question of accepting your services. I should probably send you among the Gray 41 A Woman’s Pulpit Hills, and in March. We pay six dollars a week and “found.”7 Will this be satisfactory? Let me hear from you again. Truly yours, Z. Z. Zangrow, Sect. N. V. H. M. S. P. S. I have been too busy as yet to pursue your recommendations, but have no doubt that they are satisfactory. Hercules, March 9, 18–. Rev. Dr. Zangrow: Dear Sir,—Yours of the 5th is at hand.Terms are satisfactory. I neglected to mention in my last that I am a woman. Yours truly, Jerusha W. Bangs. Harmony, N.V., March 9, 18–. Jerusha W. Bangs Dear Madam,—You have played me an admirable joke. Regret that I have no time to return it. Yours very sincerely, Z. Z. Zangrow, Sect. Hercules, March 11th...