Living Blue in the Red States

8. America, Where's Your Sense of Humor?

8. America, Where’s Your Sense of Humor? Michael J. Rosen In the years following the 2004 elections, a remarkable number of remarkably diverse studies appeared, each assessing the reddish or bluish nature of one or another topic. All but one study, the distribution of humorists within the fifty states, which I personally conducted, are the work of statistics experts, political pundits, or well-credentialed analysts in the given field. (I qualify for none of these categories.) Perhaps the 2004 election appealed to, or maybe even prompted, the public’s keener interest in the differences between red and blue states, even as criticism of the electoral college has pointed out that Ohio, where I live, and a couple other persuadable states, have become the only places where campaigning seems to be focused in an election in order to effect a presidential outcome. It may also be true that studies, such as the ones cited here, provide a wealth of material for the impoverished programming that allows our umpteen conventional and unconventional news sources to find someone or something that requires urgent attention, immediate endorsement , bipartisan vilification, or just a solid round of hot-headed public humiliation, twenty-four hours a day. Rather than bog us down in post-post-election analysis and citations that might qualify me as something I’m not, let me simply offer, without any smugness or gloating, some of the findings I found most interesting. 111 112 | Michael J. Rosen Professors A few studies revealed that in the social sciences and humanities there are 7 blue professors for every 1 red professor. In other fields, the ratio varies: the lowest, in economics, shows 3 Democrats for every 1 Republican ; the highest, in anthropology, shows 30 Democrats for every 1 Republican. Fertility The Boston Globe featured a story showing that in 2004, Bush carried the 19 states with the highest expected lifetime fertility rate for white women (non-Hispanic). Moreover, Bush won the 25 states with the longest-married white women (between 18 and 44 years). In Utah, where the most fecund white women reside, the Mormons gave Bush 70 percent of their votes. In Massachusetts, Vermont, and Rhode Island —3 of the 4 states with the lowest white birthrate—Bush received 40 percent of the votes. And Kerry took the 16 states with the lowest fertility rates. Limpness Men’s Health assessed per-capita sales of erectile dysfunction drugs in 100 cities (citing ndc Health as the source), factoring in obesity, which, it claims, increases ed by 79 percent (citing figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Providing grades from A to F, and giving approximately 50 percent A’s or B’s, the study gave F’s to the nation’s 4“limpest”cities: Kansas City mo, Montgomery al, Shreveport la, and Birmingham al—all in red states. Of the 50 limpest cities—those receiving a C or below—40 are located in red states. Population Density Most of America’s land voted red—Bush’s counties are more sparsely populated. Kerry’s counties are more densely populated. Omitting the enormous and barely populated Alaska, the red states still have one-fourth the population of the blue states. America, Where’s Your Sense of Humor? | 113 Housing Prices Bush carried the 26 states with the least inflation between 1980 and 2004. The more Democratic the state, the higher the housing prices. The study even suggests that better views—literally, how scenic are the views out the windows—make more liberal viewers. Divorce Using 2002 statistics, the 13 states with the highest divorce rates all voted red. The blue states include 9 of the 13 with the lowest divorce rates. (And 2 of the other 4 were Iowa and New Mexico, which Kerry lost by the smallest margins.) Teen Pregnancy Fourteen of the 17 states with the highest teen pregnancy rates voted red. Or 17 out of the top 25. Meanwhile, blue states include 8 of the 9 states with the lowest teen pregnancy. (North Dakota was the one red state.) Traffic Fatalities Twenty-four of the 25 states with the highest rates of traffic fatalities voted red. Of the 16 states with the lowest rates, 15 voted blue. Violent Crime Twenty-two of the 31 states with the most violent crime voted red. Nine of the 17 states with the least violent crimes voted blue. Mobile Homes Twenty...