Born Southern: Childbirth, Motherhood, and Social Networks in the Old South

4. Motherhood: Infant Nurturing and Identity

84 chapter four c Motherhood Infant Nurturing and Identity cd In 1799, Eleanor Lewis observed: “The idea of being a Mother, of watching over & forming the mind of Our little infant is a source of delight which none but those in similar situations can experience.” Alabamian Sarah Anne Gayle suggested a similar pleasure when she wrote about a friend in 1833: “what a thrilling and interesting occasion is the birth of a first child, especially in one who feels so tenderly and thinks as deeply as Julia!” In June 1862, Kate Edmondston, who never became a mother herself, noted in her journal that “children make a vast difference in people’s character.”1 These comments all evince the strong connection southerners made between the bearing of children and the development of a woman’s identity. But birth did not merely shape the identity of the mother, it also laid the foundations for the status and identity of the children she bore. This transferability made birth a pivotal element in defining both who belonged in the southern community and one’s own status within that society. This was, in part, a legal question—sorting infants, from their birth, into the categories of free or enslaved was fundamental to the foundations of the southern social hierarchy . But the responsibilities of nurturing infants, black and white, belied many of the clear distinctions that these legal determinations might have imposed. Both mothers and infants had their social identities defined through the tasks of infant care. Faced with individual dif- ficulties and socially imposed impediments, white and black mothers turned to a wider community for support and assistance. The complex interrelationships that developed around the tasks of nurturing, like those around birth, created behaviors within the household that both Motherhood 85 reflected and shaped patterns of belonging and exclusion in southern society.2 The ideals of antebellum southern society suggested that all “good mothers ” would be directly involved in nurturing their infants, providing both physical and emotional well-being. In 1840, the Southern Ladies’ Book offered this counsel to its readers: During the plastic period, when the first and most enduring impressions are made—when the foundation of all that can be valuable in future character is laid, the child is necessarily the companion of its mother. How interesting and momentous then is her duty to train its mind and heart in the ‘good and the right way.’ . . . Your early lessons will in a great measure control the destinies of your sons, and the formation of the character of your daughter is to you alike a matter of the highest interest and the highest duties.3 Instilling the proper values and providing the correct care required a mother to devote her time and energy to her children. Despite these glorified ideals, the letters and diaries of white southern women dwelt on the difficulties of infant care, accenting the limited knowledge and abilities of new mothers. For example, after recording the birth of her niece’s baby in 1827, Eleanor Lewis added: “she is a helpless Mother, she cannot suckle it, & knows very little about the care of children.” Similarly, Elizabeth Pringle wrote that her mother “spent a very anxious time in the first year of her eldest child’s life. He was very delicate and mamma knew nothing about babies.”4 These narratives questioned the naturalness of the role of motherhood and the skills it required . Even experienced mothers wrote of the difficulties of balancing care for their infants with their other duties. After the birth of her fifth child, Mahala Roach wrote: “I would always enjoy nursing him, but it so fully occupies my hands and not my mind, that I can work at nothing but the nursing, while my thoughts are often dwelling on duties neglected for the other children—or something omitted which might add to the happiness of my dear good husband.”5 While the idealized rhetoric emphasized the complete mental and physical devotion of a mother to her new infant, personal experiences challenged these ideals, with the demands of day-to-day life getting in the way. Yet despite these difficulties, 86 born southern most white women in the antebellum South still took primary responsibility for the children to whom they gave birth. Few had any other option , having neither money to hire outside help nor slaves who could be spared from...