Five Comedies

The Paving Stone

1 The Paving Stone (Le Pavé) A Story in Dialogue 192 Five Comedies Characters MONSIEUR DURAND LOUISE, his maid JEAN COQUERET, his valet A COUNTRY NEIGHBOR Scene: a house in the country. The interior of a study. Shelves laden with minerals, jars, books, and various instruments for the use of an amateur naturalist. A cluttered writing desk, a leather armchair; door at rear, opening onto a garden at the same level; door at right leading to a bedroom; window at left. A hunting rifle and a game bag on the wall. 193 Scene 1 NEIGHBOR [offstage at rear]: All right, Rosalie. I’ll just wait for a little while and take a rest; if he doesn’t come back, I’ll be off. [He enters.] What an extraordinary fellow he is! I can’t wait to find out if he’s taken the plunge. My sister wrote me that she hadn’t seen him, but the letter was dated the twenty-fifth, and it’s the thirtieth now . . . and since he said he’d be back at the end of a week . . . The week is up. He must have introduced himself to his prospective bride by this time. After that, there will be some business for him to settle at home, his house will have to be set in order. . . . So long as his scientific fancies and lunacies don’t keep him away from it too long! . . . But I’ll shake some sense into him. Ah! Here he is. Scene 2 [Durand, the Neighbor.] NEIGHBOR: What on earth have you got there? An old paving stone? Oh yes—geology, mineralogy. . . . Well, hello, Durand my friend! DURAND [placing his paving stone on the table. He is in walking clothes]: Hello, neighbor, I’m glad to see you. Oof! Boof! What a weight! How are things with you? . . . And what about my people here? The only one I’ve seen so far has been the cook . . . and I don’t know . . . NEIGHBOR: That makes two of us. She’s the only one I’ve seen, too. But I know your other servants are doing well. DURAND [aside]: Then why isn’t Louise here when I come home? NEIGHBOR: You seem very preoccupied with something—what are you looking for? DURAND: Nothing. Yes I am . . . my traveling cloak. I had it just a moment ago. NEIGHBOR: You’ve got it on your shoulders—which is very odd, considering how warm it is. DURAND: Well, look at that! Isn’t that peculiar! NEIGHBOR: Absentminded as ever, are you? Really! That’s become such a cliché nowadays. Now, if I were a scholar, I’d want to make myself noted for my excellent get-up and continual 194 Five Comedies presence of mind, to show people that I had a strong enough head to hold my learning. DURAND: That’s what Louise says to me. Thanks to her reprimands I keep everything in pretty good shape, as you can see; but I can’t help losing or mislaying my possessions. Anyhow, this time I’m positive I haven’t lost anything on the way; everything’s in my bag. Let me take it off. There are some new straps on it, and they keep cutting into my shoulders; two or three times I simply had to take it off and carry it by hand. [He tries to take off a bag he doesn’t have.] NEIGHBOR [laughing]: Then what do you think you’ve got on your back? DURAND [feeling himself]: Nothing—quite right! I could have sworn I could feel the straps. They must have bruised my arms. NEIGHBOR: Well, where is the bag, then? DURAND: I suppose I took it off just now in the hall. Yes, that’s right, I remember: I must have put it on the coat stand. [He starts to go out, and stops in front of a shelf.] Why, what’s this? Schistose graywacke among the igneous rocks!1 . . . What an imbecile that Coqueret is! He can never manage to put a specimen back in the right place when his stupid feather duster has knocked it off! What a mania he has for dusting! But that’s the way Louise wants it, so one simply has to put up with it. As long as everything hasn’t been turned upside down! [He starts examining and tidying things.] NEIGHBOR: Now then, look here, Durand my...