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C H A P T E R 3 C r y s t a l ’ s S t o r y : T h e B a d G i r l W i t h i n I s everyone ready? Okay, places, everyone!” LeLy shouts. “Come on people! We haven’t got all day!” “Oh my god, that thing is heavy,” Fanny complains not for the first time today, as she picks up the video camera. “If this were a real movie, I wouldn’t have to hold this the whole time. We’d have one of those things for the camera to go on.” “Cheap, this school is so cheap, man.” Mai slowly gets up, removes the last vestiges of our lunch break from the table that will now form the center of the video set and leaves Maria peering at her image in the monitor. Staring back at her is Crystal, the character she plays. Maria makes some adjustments to her makeup and hair and then adjusts the adjustments. LeLy and Mai roll their eyes at each other. This is not the first time they have been kept waiting by the exigencies of Maria’s hair and lipstick. Maria looks up. “Okay, okay!” She is enjoying herself. “I’m ready.” “Ready? Aaaand action!” LeLy calls out. We have spent months together developing the characters whose stories make up the video—working out the intricate details of plots, scenes, dialogue, wardrobe and props necessary to represent girls’ lives. We have lived with these fictional characters for so long that when we speak of them, it is almost as if they are also bona fide members of our lunch group. And in the years following our work together, long after the girls claim to have forgotten them, these characters continue to haunt these pages, my life, and my thinking. But in the last few weeks of the school year, back when the characters were what brought us together as a group, we are making all our plotting and planning concrete by translating it onto videotape. Throughout these long months we have accomplished most of our work in the minutes squeezed out of the girls’ lunch hour, but for this last stage of the project I have negotiated their way out of a full 61 day and half of classes. Energy and spirits are high on the first day of taping. It seems the months we have spent planning and learning to work together will culminate in a smooth end to our project. We work quickly and efficiently. By the second day, however, the energy, excitement, and goodwill of all of us have begun to wane; animation gives way to old patterns of soporiferous bickering, and to fatigue. CRYSTAL’S STORY: NARRATING THE SELF THROUGH ROMANCE The camera pans the small bright room and then slowly zooms in to focus on Crystal seated at a table. Head bent low, she is writing furiously. As the camera moves in, it offers a detailed study of her body; jeans, simple white T-shirt, glasses, hair pulled back into a ponytail. The shot comes to a rest on the table and fixes on the object of her intense attention: a diary. Crystal’s story is conveyed through several of these diary scenarios, which are interspersed throughout the video. The scenarios show the character in several different locations: lounging in her bedroom, sitting in the family living room, and cross-legged on the back steps of the school. These are some of the important social and spatial contexts in which girls’ subjectivities are shaped and lived. In each scenario, the camera pays special attention to her posture, her clothes, and her hair, which progressively change. As the story unfolds, the T-shirt, jeans, glasses, and ponytail are replaced by a close fitting body suit, tight pants, high heels, contact lenses, and loose hair. Looking contemplatively into the camera, Crystal pauses in her writing and tells her story: June 5, 1995 Dear Diary, I’m so confused! I really don’t know what to do. My brain is going to explode! I’m tired of trying to be good. I don’t understand my parents—why do they have to separate us? They don’t know how I feel. This is the situation. I met Matt a year ago—the first time I went to the community center. He was playing football. I was hanging out with my friends. He was my cousin’s friend...

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