My Life

PART II: 1862 to 1875

PART II 1862 to 1875 63 1862 (sEPTEMBER) ii.1 Arrival at Yasnaya Polyana After our wedding in Moscow, Lev Nikolaevich and I arrived at Yasnaya Polyana in just under twenty-fourhours.It’sstrange,butafteratorturesomenightinthecarriageIhavenorecollection of what happened during the trip, what we talked about, or where and how we stopped. By the evening of the next day we arrived home, at Yasnaya Polyana, and I was so glad of that. The first thing I saw upon entering the house was Auntie Tat’jana Aleksandrovna Ergol’skaja1 standing at the top of the stairs with the icon of the Our Lady of the Sign [Znamen’e Bozhiej Materi ] and beside her [Lev Nikolaevich’s] brother Sergej Nikolaevich, offering us bread and salt. I made a deep bow to them, crossed myself and kissed both the icon and Auntie and went into herroom.TherewasAuntie’scompanion,Natal’jaPetrovna,2asillyandharmlessoldwoman,who claimed that her husband was an officer, that she had two children whom she found difficult to breast-feed during marches and moving about, so she let them suck on milk soaked in chewed up bread or crusts.“No sooner they got used to it than they up and died!” She didn’t even realise that she was tormenting her children with starvation, as the mixture would go sour. But for all that, Natal’ja Petrovna was a living human being, with whom Auntie could always feel free to talk. If I remember correctly, we had dinner, and then I went to my room to unpack my things with the help of the elderly chambermaid, Varvara. For the first time in my life I had my very own room.3 Before, all three of us sisters had lived together. We had all shared a large room both in Moscow and at the dacha, and each of us had our own corner with a bed, a little closet, a little trunk, and one large desk for two. My sister Liza4 was always distant from us, while Tanja and I were always together, side by side. MybedroomatYasnayaPolyanabackthen,beforethehousewasaddedonto,wasrightattheside ofthehouseandlookedoutontothegardenwithitshugefirtreesandpondsshiningthroughthe already thinning trees. The large door leading to the parlour had been locked and covered with a hanging green cloth featuring an engraving of life-size human heads — the Sistine Madonna,5 and separately from her down below: two angels, and on either side, just as in the picture, St Barbara the Martyr and Pope Sixtus. On the windows were new green shutters made of cloth; in the middle of the room were two simple iron beds with red morocco leather mattresses. By the windowstoodawalnutdressing-table,nexttoitalargecommode,achiffonierandawash-stand. There were also two arm-chairs. This had all been purchased and arranged by Lev Nikolaevich’s brother, Sergej Nikolaevich. He had evidently gone to quite a bit of trouble, and I was touched by his efforts. 1 Tat’jana Aleksandrovna Ergol’skaja — see Part i, Note 193. 2 Natalia Petrovna Okhotnitskaja — see Part i, Note 194. 3 For a picture of sat’s room today (as part of the Yasnaya Polyana Museum Estate), see Illustrations i-16 & ii-27. For pictures of the exterior of the main house, see Illustrations i-10, i-11 & ii-59. 4 Elizaveta Andreevna [Liza] Bers (1843–1919) — sat’s elder sister. 5 SistineMadonna—apaintingbytheItalianartistRaphael(birthname:RaffaelloSanzio,1483–1520),paintedbetween 1512and1514,showingtheMadonnaandChild,flankedoneithersidebyPopeJuliusii StSixtusandStBarbaratheMartyr (4th century C. E.). St Barbara was the daughter of Dioscorus, a wealthy heathen nobleman who first kept her isolated in a tower and later condemned her to be tortured to death for embracing Christianity on her own and then refusing to renounce it. Raphael lived and painted first in his native Umbria and later Florence, before being given the commission for the Vatican’s Sistine Chapel. my life 64 Theonlyremaining door frommyroomled toasmall landing onaspiral staircase, and adoor off the landing led to the next room, which was partitioned by two bookcases. Behind the bookcases a small room had been set up for my chambermaid, while in front of them stood a desk, chairs and a small green leather couch — this was my office. Lev Nikolaevich’s study, on the other hand, was downstairs under a vaulted ceiling, where we had spent the night during my first visit toYasnayaPolyana.Downstairs,too,wasasmallchamberforAleksejStepanovich,ahallwayand a little room all in stone for storage, where our trunks are kept to this day. The upstairs featured a dining room, a drawing room and Auntie’s bedroom with a small chamber...