Opening the Doors of Wonder: Reflections on Religious Rites of Passage

7 · WHAT, REALLY, IS A MAN?

7 9 1 WHAT, REALLY, IS A MAN? It’s odd that when Christians talk about rites of passage, one particular ritual often comes up, one that has set a certain standard for rites of passage in the United States; one that makes some people wince and others envious; one that’s much maligned, much ridiculed, much respected— and much misunderstood: the bar mitzvah. In the United States, bar mitzvahs (for boys) and bat mitzvahs (for girls) get more attention than first communions, baptisms, or confirmations combined, even though Christians outnumber Jews 590 to 1. Bar mitzvahs get all the headlines. They’re the summit, the zenith, the tops when it comes to teenage rites of passage—usually for all the wrong reasons. These days, even some Christians want a bar mitzvah! In 2003 twelveyear -old Laura Jean from Dallas told her parents that she loved bat mitzvahs : the singing was “inspiring”; the parties were exciting; the attention, no doubt, was flattering. Why couldn’t she have one? She’d even learn Hebrew , that ancient, holy language of patriarchs and prophets who thundered and scolded against a wayward and forgetful people and of tens of thousands of stammering students who try to stay awake in tedious classes that meet in synagogues after secular school. The lengths to which Laura Jean was willing to go for her bat mitzvah were great—the only problem was that she was Methodist. In the end, that didn’t stand in her way. One hundred and twenty-five friends and relatives attended her “bat mitzvah” at a snazzy country club in suburban Dallas, and Laura Jean went to bed happy that night, a sweet gentile who’d set her sights on one thing: “I wanted to be Jewish so I could have a bat mitzvah. Having the party ful- filled that.”1 Laura Jean wasn’t alone. Around the country, a lot of Christian teenagers are aping what their Jewish friends are doing. On Long Island, one “bat mitzvah” was held in a massive tent with chandeliers; in Malibu, one was held in a beachfront hotel. It had a Hawaiian theme. These aªairs are such close copies of what Jews do that they have the same caterers and dancers and DJs, even the same kind of candlelighting ceremony in which, one by one, the boy or girl’s parents, grandparents, close relatives, and friends are called up to light the candles on the cake.2 Why all this? Christian kids see their Jewish friends having bar or bat mitzvah parties with jousting matches or supermodel Claudia Schiªer blowing kisses to the guests and entertainment by Natalie Cole or the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders—all at the best hotels in town. Or they go to aprés bar mitzvah shindigs on the Queen Elizabeth II in Long Beach, California , or on Ellis Island in New York Harbor (with a six-minute, $20,000 fireworks show). Or they see $150,000 black tie receptions at Tavern on the Green in Central Park with a sixty-foot-long mural depicting the Beatles , the bat mitzvah girl’s favorite band. They see all this and they feel left out. Apparently, the parents do too. As one California mother said, “The kids who had great bar mitzvah parties were elevated socially. We felt pressure to hold an event people would remember.”3 Bar or bat mitzvahs used to mean that thirteen year olds are now responsible for their religious and moral conduct, and certainly every bar mitzvah has the same elements: on a Sabbath near his thirteenth birthday, a boy reads part of the Torah and all of the weekly section from the Prophets chapter of the Hebrew Bible; gives a talk about what he just read; and is praised by the rabbi for his compassion, humor, scholarship, and discipline . Even the Jewish sage Judah ben Tema—whom Rabbi Jeªrey Salkin calls the inventor of bar mitzvahs—would be happy with most bar mitzvah ceremonies today. In the second century c.e., ben Tema envisioned how a Jew’s life should unfold: “At five, one should study Scripture; at ten, one should study Mishnah [the code of Jewish law]; at thirteen, one is ready to do mitzvoth [commandments]; at fifteen, one is ready to study Talmud; at eighteen, one is ready for the wedding canopy; at twenty, one is responsible for providing for a family.”4 9 2 JUDAISM [18.191.88.249] Project MUSE (2024-04...