Lawfully Wedded Husband
How My Gay Marriage Will Save the American Family
Publication Year: 2013
Published by: University of Wisconsin Press
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Title Page, Copyright, Dedication
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What are you guys wearing
asked the assistant
of Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys, the reality
show my fiancé,
Mike, and I were being filmed
for in May of
“I’m wearing jeans and a nice vest,” I said, “and Mike will be in shorts and a T- shirt.”...
1. Saying Yes
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for the Christmas
tree!” Mike called
as he closed
the front door behind
“We already have too many ornaments for the Christmas tree,” I said, not looking up from Persuasion. Louisa was about to get her concussion, and I’d be damned if I was going to interrupt...
2. Researching Family Marriage Traditions
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In the meantime, while I figured out a way to apologize to my family in Los Angeles, I figured I ought to get Mike an engagement ring, if only so that if he went to a bar he would now be forced to expend a modicum of effort to appear available, though since his bar visits coincide with the appearances of Halley’s...
3. Deciding on Living Arrangements
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I read, “as being—”
I glowered at him. “We envision our ceremony as being—”
“Full of bitterness.”
“Sweetheart, this is the third question on the first page of the book. If you won’t even let me finish asking it, how are we ever going to plan a wedding?”...
4. Dealing with the Legal Business
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The first same- sexers to wed in California after the state Supreme Court’s decision in favor of marriage equality, I understand, were Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, activists who had been together since 1952—fifty- six years—and the mayor of San Francisco himself performed the ceremony. I spent a lot of time...
5. Dealing with the Legal Business, Take Two
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Take a look at this link,” said the email from my friend Sarah. “It’s a reality show looking for straight women and their gay male friends.” “Are you and your friend the real Will & Grace?!” read the website to which the link took me (I quote it verbatim). “Are you...
6. Planning the Ceremony
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We need to have a conversation
I said to Mike one Saturday
about a month
after we’d returned
“You keep saying that,” he said, “but then you never actually start a conversation about planning the ceremony.” This was not an animadversion I could duck, because it was true; I never actually...
7. Taking Stock of the Relationship
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So,” said Dr. Basescu
our first meeting,
you two in to see me today?”
“Well, the short version,” I said, “is that I made Mike go on a reality show and now he’s deeply resentful but we’re getting married in two months and we’ve wanted to do couples therapy for a while anyway and his individual therapist said you were terrific...
8. Taking Care of Last-Minute Details
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One month from today, I am getting married to my boyfriend of seven years. I suspect I would feel much more nervous than I do if it weren’t for the fact that all my energy is taken up by the HGTV Urban Oasis Giveaway, which is in the grand scheme of things at least as important to me as my wedding, if not more...
9. Getting Married
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The thing that strikes
me most is the silence.
I don’t know whether Rachel has read Walter Kaufmann, whose thoughts on ritual helped me understand what I wanted out of a wedding ceremony, and wants us to hear “the voice that the rest...
10. Living Happily Ever After
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The party afterward was lovely. The sixty- odd wedding guests—some of them had taken it upon themselves to bring “plus one”s, and I could not find it in my heart to begrudge them— sat and stood around our backyard while our dogs wandered delightedly among them, Sasha playing the graceful...
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of 2012, and as Mike and I are now coming
to tie up a
few loose ends.
I did not win the HGTV Urban Oasis Giveaway, even though I stayed up all night the night before the wedding writing entry cards and addressing envelopes and filled up both our neighborhood...
Appendix: A Brief and Highly Biased Legislative History of American Marriage Equality with Respect to Sexuality
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Page Count: 247
Publication Year: 2013