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Paris
- University of Wisconsin Press
- Chapter
- Additional Information
65 Paris Ithink I have left Paris definitively. I sold my apartment and brought a few things to Miami Beach. So it isn’t entirely over. And I still have a country house in the Loire Valley. But I first went to Paris almost fifty years ago, and although Paris hasn’t changed very much, I have. Do you think that sometimes we have lived too much? It doesn’t make me want to stop living, but just to stop living in the same place. That’s why I don’t miss New York, where every corner reminds you of someone you loved, somewhere you lived, somewhere your aunt lived, and so on. All so many years ago. And now Paris has become that for me. Paris had magic for me, but in retrospect, you have to admit to yourself you never had a truly good French friend. They never want to know you well enough that you might call in the night when in need of help. Or want to borrow money, the most horrifying thing a French person can imagine. No, your friends are always of Russian origin in the previous generation or a mix of nationalities. The French are there, cool and amusing and well dressed, but never intimate. It’s strange, but a Frenchman I knew in New York when he was very young and in whom I could have been interested is now calling me and reminiscing and feeling affectionate. After a number of marriages and presently wed he is wondering if the crossing of our paths was an opportunity missed. Does it take a lifetime to work your way through to what you really want, when it is far too late? I think Peter rescued me from Paris. He and I came together there. We have traveled together a lot. He has lived with me in Miami Beach. He has lived with me in Montevideo. Although we are not lovers, we 66 Paris are intimates, and it doesn’t depend on where we are. He has lived all over the world, as I have. My relationship with him doesn’t depend on a place. I had imagined that my relationship with Fenil would not depend upon a place, but now I feel it probably does. ...